Don't Stop Believin'!

Yeah, I'm still talking about these guys...

Moving right along with my exegesis of the Soul Asylum album Grave Dancer's Union… The record's fourth song is another no-brainer… for me, anyway! And it goes great with the previous song. 

My commentary on that one, Runaway Train, highlighted the beginning of the beginning of change – that is, the cry for help. This one is more about how yesterday's hypothetical person, having accepted the Change-maker's invitation to relationship, feels while change is taking place… That is… impatient and frustrated… but determined and hopeful. Click on the title to hear the song:

****

Keep it Up 

I'm down here waiting on a shattered heart
I'm gonna put it back together if it tears me apart
If I can keep it up.. If I can keep it up 

I been complaining like a broken record
Gonna get what I want, if it takes forever
If I can keep it up... If I can keep it up 

Though the rain weighs down your wings
Still the caged bird's got to sing
Singing "Na na na na na na na na na" 

I know it seem funny, try to understand
It's just that things don't always go the way you plan
Still you keep it up... Still you keep it up 

Nothing in the world's gonna keep me down
I'm just a holding out, and just a hanging around
Trying to keep it up.. Just to keep it up 

Though the rain weighs down your wings
Still the caged bird's got to sing
Singing "Na na na na na na na na na" 

Keep it up... Keep it up 

A seven forty-seven's gonna take us away
Take us up to heaven, gonna be okay
If we can keep it up.. If we can keep it up 

Though the rain weighs down your wings
Still the caged bird's got to sing
Singing "Na na na na na na na na na"

****

Here's how Winston 
Churchill said it.

When I hear this song, I can remember clearly those feelings of being mired in the Carolina red clay of my own crappiness, but determined to get out… and the sweet hope… someday… but not yet… The singer of this song is right there in it, feeling all those things to the nth degree… and he's urging himself onward… steeling himself for the long distance race ahead. 

This kind of motivational speaking is all through the Bible. Because times can be hard. Even if you aren't crawling out of a hole, you're likely to experience some suffering at one time or another… and at times like this, we can give up hope, or we can keep reminding ourselves (and one another) to keep going. Like this example from Hebrews 12:

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Just so the guy in the song is giving himself a pep-talk… telling himself to "keep it up." During the "na-na-na" parts, I can just imagine him dancing with his fist in the air, in the face of that part of him that wants to quit – his own internal nay-sayer. I always love a fist in the air song. 

Tom Petty vows, "I won't back down." 

Real change is hard, and a long process… and it's a worthy goal… digging your way out of a hole… becoming who you want to be. It will most likely make you feel better, and frankly, that's what I mainly wanted at first – some relief. But I soon learned that this is not the real goal. I think the ultimate goal is that tight relationship you develop with the Changer while you're going through it… and then, after all is said and done, that 747 trip to heaven the song mentions. 

Like Paul says:

I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:10-14)

Paul really understood that things don't happen over night. 

Well then... what does it mean to "keep it up?" Does it mean keep justin' your butt trying? I don't think so. I'm not sure there is anything about the Christian life that hinges on our trying harder. It exhausts me to even think about it, but I try to remember that while there is a certain amount of clinging to God on our part, He's actually doing the bulk of the work – both in the fixing and in the relationship overall. Yes, despite our slowness to change and our lame efforts to love Him, He's got a tight hold on us.

...and Journey recommends that you 
"don't stop stop believin'"
which is really what it's all about, right?

So maybe to "keep it up" means… to "remain in Christ," like Jesus talks about in his spiel about the vine and the branches (John 15:5) "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." We just gotta keep being His, which is, again, mostly Him. Jesus said we are his sheep and NO ONE will snatch us out of His hands. And Paul says that NOTHING can separate us from God's love in Jesus. (John 10:27-28 and Romans 8:38-39, respectively)

And when I think about it this way, "keeping it up" becomes less exhausting. Seems like much more of a sure thing, doesn't it? We just need to keep reminding ourselves… like in the song.

I was a key that could use a little turning

I been there, man...

So, if you're late to the party, here we are exegetin' the songs, one by one, on Soul Asylum's Grave Dancer's Union record, one of the shining gems of the 90s. Up next? Runaway Train. A really easy one. In fact, it's the hit I heard that prodded me to buy the album. I could tell right away it was a prayer… 

Back in the nineties I was kinda slack about following music trends, so it was a miracle that I managed to stumble over some stuff I liked. It was just one of the mysteries of providence that I met Soul Asylum (figuratively speaking, of course) through this song, and then the whole album just happened to be a rockin' church service of a record. So here goes... (Click on the title to hear the song/see the video)

Runaway Train

Call you up in the middle of the night
like a firefly without a light
you were there like a blowtorch burning
i was a key that could use a little turning
so tired that i couldn't even sleep
so many secrets i couldn't keep
promised myself i wouldn't weep
one more promise i couldn't keep

it seems no one can help me now
i'm in too deep 

there's no way out
this time i have really lead myself astray

runaway train, never goin' back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like i should be getting somewhere
somehow i'm neither here nor there 

can you help me remember how to smile?
make it somehow all seem worthwhile
how on earth did i get so jaded?
life's mysteries seem so faded
i can go where no one else can go
i know what no one else knows
here i am just drownin' in the rain
with a ticket for a runaway train

and everything seems cut and dry
day and night 

earth and sky
somehow i just don't believe it 

runaway train, never goin' back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like i should be getting somewhere
somehow i'm neither here nor there 

bought a ticket for a runaway train
like a madman laughing at the rain
little out of touch, little insane
it's just easier than dealing with the pain 

runaway train, never goin' back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like i should be getting somewhere
somehow i'm neither here nor there 

runaway train, never comin' back
runaway train, tearin' up the track
runaway train, burnin' in my veins
i run away but it always seems the same

A Soul Asylum selfie

The song stands on its own as a sort of public service announcement, calling attention to the problems of runaway and missing children, and the abuse that can produce them. The accompanying video features actual missing children and a phone number for people to call if they are a runaway kid or have seen one. According to the song's Wikipedia page, some kids were helped. On the other hand, some may have been hurt… by being placed back in abusive situations. The band meant well, of course – and for such a serious and widespread problem, there is no easy answer. 

When I heard the song, I heard a heart-cry for rescue, relief and change of direction. It's about a person – we'll call her Julie – who has hit, or is plummeting speedily toward, what is commonly called, "rock bottom." That is to say, the lowest point she can possibly reach. Maybe she's suffering a soul-killing breakup and is on the verge of anorexic starvation… In this and hundreds of stories I've heard from recovering addicts and alcoholics, this hard, crunchy place is often the launching pad for change... which begins with asking for help from God above. (In AA I think they refer to a "Higher Power"... the One she cries out to is God, the Father of Jesus.)

And so it is that she, singing this song, recognizes that she repeatedly heads in the wrong direction, and can't figure out how to get turned around: "it seems no one can help me now / i'm in too deep / there's no way out / this time i have really lead myself astray… She knows it's crazy ("like a madman laughing at the rain / little out of touch / little insane") but she just can't seem to correct her course. Her pain is too great, and it's the only way she knows. 

Our hypothetical person might have
looked something like this. Sure she's
smiling for the camera, but she's going
the wrong way on a one-way track.

And yet… from this seriously dark, difficult place, she manages to eke out a cry to God for light and help, as it says in the first verse: "Call you up in the middle of the night like a firefly without a light / you were there like a blowtorch burning / i was a key that could use a little turning." She feels helpless, hopeless and worn out, ("everything seems cut and dry / day and night / earth and sky / somehow i just don't believe it.") But she somehow has the wherewithal to ask for help and hope: "Can you help me remember how to smile? Make it somehow all seem worthwhile…" she prays. 

Since all of this is completely theoretical, we have no way of knowing what happened to the "Julie" in our hypothesis. Except we do. She found, as the Prodigal Son did in Luke 15, that despite the minuscule amount of hope that she had, her Father turned the key and reversed the direction of the train... to bring her home. 

The Prodigal Son went home too.

She couldn't do it herself, but she did use her failing voice to call out to Him – and even that wasn't easy. She had to swallow her pride and ask again and again for His help. The work of recovery is grueling, but it was HE who was doing it... and the more she stayed out of the way, the faster it went. 

But that work order she turned in... the first prayer that began it all... it seemed to come out of nowhere... I guess you could say it was one of life's unfaded mysteries…

In Which I Wield My Superpower

(The LP Tour, Song 2)

Okay, so writing about every single song on an album – even one as rich and sweet as Soul Asylum's Grave Dancer's Union – might not be as easy as I thought. And I almost just skipped the song Black Gold, because of degree of difficulty… but then I decided to plow ahead, because I know I can do it. I'm that good... It's my superpower.* Anyway, once you read these lyrics you'll most likely see what I mean about difficulty. (Click on the title to watch the video!)

Dave Pirner of
Soul Asylum

Black Gold

Two boys on a playground

Tryin' to push each other down

See the crowd gather 'round

Nothing attracts a crowd like a crowd

Black gold in a white plight

Won't you fill up the tank, let's go for a ride

I don't care 'bout no wheelchair

I've got so much left to do with my life

Moving backwards through time

Never learn, never mind

That side's yours, this side's mine

Brother you ain't my kind

You're a black soldier, white fight

Won't you fill up the tank, let's go for a ride

Sure like to feel some pride

But this place just makes me feel sad inside

Mother, do you know where your kids are tonight?

Keeps the kids off the streets

Gives 'em something to do, something to eat

This spot was a playground

This flat land used to be a town

Black gold in a white plight

Won't you fill up the tank, let's go for a ride

Sure like to feel some pride

But this place just makes me feel sad inside

Black gold in a white plight

Won't you fill up the tank, let's go for a ride

I don't care 'bout no wheelchair

I've got so much left to do with my life

***

These guys are ready to rumble!
The Outsiders was a good movie 
about a bad neighborhood.

Now, I hope you can follow my train of thought here. Even though it might be a bit of a stretch to spiritualize it, it's not a shallow song. It appears to be about fighting. Racism - black v. white ("That side's yours, this side's mine / Brother you ain't my kind") and war –  black gold being another name for oil. The two boys on a playground could be … well, two boys on a playground, one black and one white. Or it could be the people who have the oil and the people who want the oil. That is, the Gulf War.

Now I am probably the LAST person you want to get your political facts and commentary from, but I'm going to forge ahead anyway… The other day I was watching an episode of The West Wing where a kid asks the first lady – aka Rizzo from Grease – where all the enmity that spawned the terrorists in the episode came from. She recounted the Bible story of Abraham and his two sons Isaac and Ishmael – two boys who are attributed with starting the perpetually-raging Arab / Israeli conflict. 

She then points out that the two sons came together to bury their father Abraham at the end of his life (Genesis 25:9)… as maybe a whisper of the way things SHOULD be. Likewise, in this song, I see this kind of longing and hope… the desire to move on from this place that makes us feel sad inside… a bad neighborhood, a war-torn country… and ultimately from our very human tendency to turn everything into a fight. As James says, "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight." (James 4:1-2)

Before she was the 
First Lady in The West 
Wing, Stockard Channing 
was Rizzo in Grease.

This line: "Won't you fill up the tank, let's go for a ride / I don't care 'bout no wheelchair, I've got so much left to do with my life," always made me think of a person who is dismissing the "handicaps" and things that weigh him down in his current life and soul situation – which could be his environment or his own internal struggle and sin – and looking forward to moving on to something better. 

Which is, of course (who else?) Jesus. Shocking coming from me, I know. Here's what Paul says:

"You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. – Colossians 3:7-11

Now, I love this because it works so well with the song. It talks about moving on from our crappy old selves to our new selves… AND it brings up race – just like the song! Jesus is the One who makes race irrelevant. Not just the issue of race, but race itself. 

Why don't you fill up the tank /
Let's go for a ride!

Further, the  song's line "fill up the tank, let's go for a ride," points out the irony that the kids' ability to escape their bad neighborhood and its conflicts may depend on the ability of the nations who are squabbling over oil to reconcile... Yeah, it's not just a local problem ... it's global. Fortunately Jesus came to address this problem as well... as Paul also says that Jesus "gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age." (Galatians 1:3)

So, here we have it... Black Gold by Soul Asylum in a Christian nutshell: 1. We're in an evil age (place). 2. We're trapped by our sins and our situations. BUT: 3. There is a way out! That is, the King of the Kingdom of God... trumps neighborhoods and nations. And all God's people say, "Right on!"


*by the grace of God, of course!

You Might As Well Jump

Despite my alarming lack of funds, I have managed to acquire tickets to what promises to be an A-MAY-ZING show tonight… Here’s the skinny from the Red Hat Amphitheatre web site: 

Two albums that are as familiar to 
me as my own prayers.

LP TOUR with Big Head Todd and the Monsters, The Wailers, Soul Asylum and Matthew Sweet: Matthew Sweet will open the show and perform Girlfriend in it’s entirety, The Wailers will perform Legend next, Soul Asylum will then perform Grave Dancers Union and Big Head Todd and the Monsters will close the night out with Sister Sweetly. 

Now, the dishes highlighted in RED TEXT are hot and spicy. I mean, that’s what I’m excited about. I have mentioned more than once both Matthew Sweet and Soul Asylum, so this is a dream bill for me. It’s an added bonus that they are performing particular albums and therefore, JUST songs that I know like my own prayers. That’s right… no obscure tunes or pesky songs off their “new album”…  Only music that has already romanced my stony heart… 

So, in preparation for this sure-to-be-sweaty night in downtown Raleigh, I’ve immersed myself in the records that Matthew Sweet and Soul Asylum are scheduled to play. And earlier today I was driving along listening to Grave Dancer’s Union and wondering what to talk to you guys next, and this thought occurred to me: Each of these songs is a blog post waiting to be written.

Matthew Sweet

In fact, I could just cut and paste the lyrics from one of those (questionably accurate) lyrics web sites and that would be that. For instance, rather than writing about the startlingly slow pace of my spiritual development and my acknowledgement that at least I’m going in the right direction… or I could just give you the lyrics to Growing into You.

Or I could annotate or otherwise comment on the lyrics for you. Yeah – that’s what I’ll do… Buckle up for this bumpy ride… this (debatably) fascinating exploration of songs in the key of my life…

First up, Grave Dancer’s Union Track 1:

Somebody to Shove

Grandfather watches the grandfather clock 

And the phone hasn’t rang for so long 

And the time flies by like a vulture in the sky 

Suddenly he breaks into song 

I’m waiting by the phone 

Waiting for you to call me up and tell me I’m not alone 

I’m waiting by the phone 

Waiting for you to call me up and tell me I’m not alone 

Hello, speak up, is there somebody there? 

These hang-ups are getting me down 

In a world frozen over with over-exposure 

Let’s talk it over, let’s go out and paint the town 

I’m waiting by the phone 

Waiting for you to call me up and tell me I’m not alone 

Cause I want somebody to shove 

I need somebody to shove 

I want somebody to shove me 

You’re a dream for insomniacs, prize in the Cracker Jacks 

All the difference in the world is just a call away 

And I’m waiting by the phone 

Waiting for you to call me up and tell me I’m not alone 

Yes I’m waiting by the phone 

I’m waiting for you to call me up and tell me I’m not alone 

Cause I want somebody to shove 

I need somebody to shove 

I want somebody to shove me 

Yes I want somebody to shove 

I need somebody to shove 

I want somebody to shove me

Soul Asylum

In my crazy brain, this is about a person “Grandfather” who longs for a word from God – for evidence that He exists and that He’s FOR us – a place I’ve been countless times. In his desperation he wails out a song, much like the guy in the Psalms who cries out for God to hear his prayers (ex. “Hear my prayer, LORD, listen to my cry for help; do not be deaf to my weeping.”  Psalm 39:12). Or when Bono sings, “How long to sing this song?” 

And how about this line: “You’re a dream for insomniacs, prize in the Cracker Jacks”... because insomnia is quite often the setting for any contemplation of God that I might do, (“As I lie on my bed I remember you. I think of you all night long.” Psalm 63:6). And then, “prize in the Cracker Jacks” = the pearl of great price. (“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a trader who was looking for fine pearls. He found one that was very valuable. So he went away and sold everything he had. And he bought that pearl.” Matthew 13:45-46)

Go ahead and jump!

I also think about the way that at times there might be something I KNOW I need to do… from the first confession of Jesus as Savior, to big life decisions, to everyday good deeds. I do find myself sometimes sitting around waiting for a “sign” or a direct communication from God to SHOVE ME, as the song says.

That first big leap of faith is the most frightening. I’ve been on that precipice, known people on that precipice. Now that I’ve jumped, I know that just being at that point... well, THAT’s your sign… that you’ve recognized and are pondering the “God-shaped hole” inside you. Of course this is easy for me to say on THIS SIDE of that decision. But’s that’s just the way of it. You can’t really know till you dive in.   

And again, even once you’re on THIS SIDE, you will still experience times when you have no idea what’s going on and you long for communication from One Who Knows Everything. You’ll have all kind of dark nights of the soul and groaning on your bed days. It's hard, but I guess you just have to remember that these times of longing and despair are a gift of God... an assurance that God longs for YOU... if that makes sense.

In my opinion, the desire to hear from God is a gift from God Himself. He gave that to us. There’s your shove… now JUMP!

Psychedelic Furriness and the Hope of Heaven

Bono on that fateful
day in 1983

Recently, a college friend and I were having a facebook convo about a pivotal event in our lives: U2 at Kenan Stadium, 1983. It was a show that simply took our breath away…. inspired tears… kneaded our stony, cynical hearts to life… brought depth to our shallow souls… It was a show full of passion and youth and daring and hope and … what I imagine, in retrospect, was the Holy Spirit.

It occurred to me lately that I go to show after show – mostly because my husband buys the tickets, and also because I like shows – but always with a tiny bit of unspoken anticipation in the back of my brain that such a thing could happen again.

It hasn’t yet, of course, but I’m always hoping. That said, sometimes I have to consciously remind myself to judge a show by its own self, not by that one phenomenal experience. And if I’m feeling particularly free, the performance might carry me to some beautiful context … like when I saw Aaron Neville and was amazed by God’s grace.  Or when I felt God’s pleasure while watching Chris Thile go to town on his mandolin…

See Bono climb!

And last night? Well, I didn’t get slain in the Spirit or anything at the Cat’s Cradle Psychedelic Furs show or anything, but it was pretty fantastic. Remember those guys? Those sort of dreamy, aloof, new wavy dudes that sounded like David Bowie and the Sex Pistols had a baby and it was really into Roxy Music… or something… I really can’t put my finger on it… Anyway, their most famous song was Pretty In Pink,* and if you saw that sweet little John Hughes film from the eighties, then you’ve heard it.

I saw the Furs in Page Auditorium at Duke back when they were new, and I adored their sort of wispy, ethereal handsomeness and droning, atmospheric, saxy, rocky new wave music. I stood right up at the rail in front of the stage because back then you were allowed to do that. 

I was close to them… but not nearly as close as I was last night at the Cat’s Cradle! This time I was right up AT the stage – leaning on one of the monitors. I’ve always loved the Cradle as a venue because you can get right up at the music… It makes it less an us/them situation between the audience and performers, and more of a “just us,” meaning – ALL of us.

And I gotta say, my notion of the Psychedelic Furs as ethereal beings completely dissolved … Rather than being aloof, well… it was as if they couldn’t get close enough to us… Both (singer) Richard Butler and his brother, bass player Tim Butler, had a way of leaning waaaay out into the audience… looking right at people… Sometimes they were leaning out past where I was standing!

This is the exact outfit Richard Butler 
(center) had on when I saw them at Duke.

My husband, Tom, says it’s because they’re working the crowd – that they know that they need to do that to draw in the people at the back of the venue… to address the whole long, narrow room that is the Cat's Cradle. But you know how my mind works… you know I thought of God. 

Of course, I’m not saying they’re God, I’m just saying this aspect of their performance made me think about how God craves our presence. Say he’s the one making the music... and we’re appreciating it with our worship and lives…  But He doesn’t just stay up there on stage with bouncers and barricades all around and all; He leans right into the thick of His fans. Clasping their hands, posing for cameras… as He sings to them.

Richard Butler
(Look how close I was! I took this pic!)

It helps this analogy that the guys in the Furs look both young and old…. Eternal as it were. I mean, they’re slim and still have their own hair – styled in a similar fashion to their highwire days… but their faces are lined and they seem wiser and care-ful, and a bit less pretentious. In fact, I’d say they performed the show with a great deal of joy and love… like a big musical, artsy-fartsy hug. Richard periodically does his snake dance, but it’s more of a wink and a nod to his image than an artistic statement.

So ... is this a show review or just a peek into the crazy workings of a crazy brain… the brain of a 51-year-old woman who might still rush the stage at shows, all the while yearning for the big stage rush in the sky…?

Well, some of each. Here’s the show review part: How was the music? Still the same driving, yet atmospheric mix… Songs like Love My Way and Ghost in You are dreamy, and songs like Mr. Jones are a forceful drone strike with a Dylanesque barrage of cynical lyrics (guess that’s why it’s called “Mr.Jones.”) But mostly, it was rock and roll. Rock and roll in an elegant, but surprising friendly package.

Tim Butler

One of their great songs is called Heaven,* and I really felt it… Being reminded of a God who destroys the buffer between us and Him is a gift… and honestly, for a short while I was young again. Like the wide-eyed co-ed who saw U2 and was gripped by their ringing guitars and their passion.

I was trying to find the place in the Bible where Paul talks about how we’re going to get new bodies in heaven, and while it’s not the one I was looking for, this whole paragraph in 2 Corinthians really rang my bell:

For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked.  For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. (2 Corinthians 5:1-5)

See? It’s lovely because it’s about being tired in our own bodies and longing for the new top notch bods we’ll get in heaven, and how the whispers and the roars of the Holy Spirit (the unfading Ghost in you, if you will) that we get sometimes is like God saying, “Just you wait…!”

Once I was in church singing along, but feeling kind of sorry for myself, and I distinctly felt like God was pressing this thought into my mind, “You just wait and see what I’m gon’ do.” (Yes, in my mind, God talks like an old Southern guy.)

I love that… of course, I’m always looking out to see what He’ll do, and when I’m alert enough to notice, it’s stunning.

* Here are some actual videos of Pretty in Pink and Heaven that I took that night... enjoy!