Break the code of the whispering chimneys and traffic signs...

"Alexa, play Ballad of
a Thin Man by Bob Dylan."

Okay, so we have this new Amazon speaker thing you can talk to. It’s called an Echo, and you can tell it what songs to play, or that you want a weather report or a news briefing. It has its uses – I mean, I love having a speaker in the kitchen, but, well – it’s not as versatile as Siri, and it really has a hard time figuring out what the user is saying. Honestly, we might as well ALL be Scottish! 

Anyway, there are several ways to listen to tunes on this device – you can bluetooth it to your iPhone, or ask it to play something from iHeartRadio or a station from TuneIn. Or you can ask it to play something from your iTunes library, which in our case, is Tom’s iTune’s library – which is stunningly vast. You’d think with all this choice I’d be in heaven, but I often have a hard time deciding what to tell “Alexa” to play. If she could understand me, that is. 

Which brings us around to this: Now that I’ve been requesting songs from Tom’s library to play while I’m cooking, Bill has a new favorite song… Ballad of a Thin Man by Bob Dylan.

You can listen to it by clicking on the song title above, and you can read the lyrics here. Anyway, Bill’s favorite part goes as follows: Now you see this one-eyed midget / Shouting the word “NOW” / And you say, “For what reason?” / And he says, “How?” / And you say, “What does this mean?” / And he screams back, “You’re a cow / Give me some milk / Or else go home.”

He just loves that – it cracks him up every time. Then he sings the chorus out loud: “Because something is happening here / But you don’t know what it is / Do you, Mister Jones?”

It’s so funny and wonderful to watch him listen to that song and feel just like I did when I first heard it… like “Bob Dylan is hilarious!!” And I’ve heard that song a bunch of times but this is honestly the first time I really stopped to think about what it means.

It's a coloring page!
Click to download and print!

And while I can’t say for sure what goes on in the mind of a brilliant guy like Bob, here’s my best guess… I think it’s about a traditional guy in the sixties - a “suit” if you will… who sees all the counterculture going on around him and hears the associated music – specifically Bob’s far-out lyrics – and just can’t understand what it’s all about. The song is sort of a hipster anthem – it's someone in the in-crowd being snarky about those who aren’t. And I find it doubly hilarious that Bob would use an incomprehensible spew of words and images to tell the story of someone who doesn't understand something.

And though it’s a whole different thing, it reminds me of … well, of this friend I used to have… She's passed now and I miss her terribly, but when she was around, we spent hours on end talking about the validity of Christianity… and not by my choice! I mean, I love the topic, but arguing does me in. ‘Cos I want everybody to like me and be nice to me, see? Nonetheless, she LOVED getting into it and considered it time very well spent. 

Pharaoh – abs of steel, heart of stone.

She knew my conversion story – the one where I told God to leave me alone but He wouldn’t (you can read about it here), and she'd frequently protest the injustice – that it was so “easy” for me to “get it” but so opaque to her. And, honestly, this has has always puzzled me as well. In fact, there are places in the Bible where it says that God has deliberately hardened people’s hearts or kept them in the dark, and this confuses me. 

For instance... In what people call "the parable of the sower,” Jesus uses a cryptic story to say that some people won't pick up what He's laying down – just like Bob uses a blast of incomprehensible logorrhea* to say, "Mr. Jones will never understand me." The famous story explores what happens when a farmer plants seed in different types of soil. Jesus's disciples ask him what it means. and He says, 

“The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables so that,  “‘they may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!’” (Mark 4)

And then in 1 Corinthians, Paul says: “The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.” 

Flanders, what is
the meaning of life?

As a natural evangelist, these passages concern me. I mean, if this is how it is, how can anyone be saved? How was I saved? Is this the answer to the old “free will v. determination” debate? I mean, did I “get it” because I was predestined to do so?”

Well, much to my surprise, our preacher was able to help me work through the difficult passage above  in a recent sermon… for now anyway!! I say “to my surprise” because often I find that having something explained to me does not necessarily make it any less difficult to understand.

Anyway, if I understood the pastor's explanation correctly, people “get it” because they WANT to “get it.” And I don’t mean to say they talk themselves into it… more like, in order to understand or accept it, a person should be open and willing to entertain the notion that it might be true and important and worth pursuing for life. 

XTC, one of my fave bands

I recently saw an episode of The Simpsons where Homer asks Ned Flanders what the key to his happiness is, but before Ned can answer, Homer says forcefully, “and DON’T SAY JESUS!!” Which, in real life, is bit like the way the friend I mentioned earlier approached our conversations. 

She was intensely interested in auras and ghost sightings and stories of people who had died on the operating table and come back to life. But she eagerly soaked them up because she was eager to prove that Christianity was wrong... rather than to learn more about the God we worship. Whereas, in my case, I already accepted Christianity as the truth – my dilemma was that I just didn’t want to be involved with it in any deep way, but I knew that God wanted me to.

Preach it, Bob!

I remember once on the 4-hour drive to her house I heard a song by XTC called Rook, (listen to it here) in which the singer begs the rook/crow to reveal secret truths to him of “plans eternal.” I thought, “Why would you ask a black bird for eternal truths?” And I recognized that while my friend felt she was digging hard for the truth, there was a soft, sweet-smelling garden with a big sign over it that said "Truth" that she was refusing to dig – mostly, I think, because she wasn't thrilled about the other gardeners. And I know that our generation has a super relativistic idea of “truth,” but, well… what do you expect from a blog that says “Christian” at the top?!

I don’t know what this means for ME, the evangelist… because while it makes sense to me and echoes my experience, I know that not every person I meet is the same, and this may not apply to every single conversion (or non-conversion) story. It may be more of a general concept rather than specific to every person. I can’t possibly begin to analyze what’s going on with anyone… what their history has been, what their temperament is or their issues are, how many Christian a-holes they have met…

And rest assured, I’m not sitting around plotting your conversion… I'm more about doing what I would do anyway – that is, lavishing you with love and friendship... you know – getting your dirt all watered and fluffed and ready. I mean, I sow seeds wherever I go – just as a matter of speaking my mind… but as in the parable of the soils referenced above in Mark 4, seed that takes and grows needs good, rich, deep soil.




*Isn't that a great word? It means: excessive and often incoherent talkativeness or wordiness. (ie. word diarrhea!)

Erin Go Bragh! (repost from 3.18.12)

St. Patrick, Bishop 
of Ireland

Yesterday was Saint Patrick’s Day, and we sure did celebrate at our house. Now, I don’t know how much Irish blood runs in our veins, but for all intents and purposes for the last couple of days, we bled a vivid green - 100% Irish. In the same way that I am inexplicably fascinated by all things British, Bill has been irresistably drawn to Erin and her people. I think his fascination began when they built leprechaun traps in preschool.

Now, if there was such a thing as a patron fairy of little boys, it would be leprechauns - mischievous, greedy, silly, tricky, irreverent, and ... magical. And though no leprechaun has ever left Bill a stocking full of candy and a heap of Lego sets, he has declared that St. Patrick’s Day is his favorite holiday.

Bill digs the craic at an Irish pub

Typically on March 17th at our house, nothing much happens. Bill builds an elaborate trap to catch a leprechaun, using those chocolate candies wrapped in gold foil that look like coins or Lucky Charms as bait, and after he goes to bed, a six-foot-two “leprechaun” named Tom scatters it around and writes a mocking note in green crayon. This year, though, we branched out. 

Friday I took Bill to lunch at one of those fake Irish pubs they have... and since he had no idea that the U.S. even had those, he was out of his mind with joy. And yesterday, we went to the St. Paddy’s Day parade in Raleigh. I’ve always wanted to go, but never tried hard enough to get there. This year I had an excuse. Surprising Bill brings me such joy - it’s so easy, since at this age, he has fewer preconceived notions than we do. 

At the parade

Well, that’s not exactly true... If we say, “We’re going to such and such a place,” he’s likely to yell out, “NO! I DON’T WANT TO!” But only because he’s having fun where he is, not because he’s already made up his mind he wouldn’t like where we’re going. I guess what I mean is, he doesn’t know many things exist. I mean, he knew there were pubs in Ireland, but he didn’t know there were fake ones here. And he didn’t know that there was a St. Pat’s Day parade in Raleigh, so when we walked into it... imagine his surprise!

Let me tell you, he never disappoints in that area. At the pub he couldn’t stop hugging me – he practically sat in my lap, he was so excited and grateful, and at the parade, he stared with wide eyes and a wide open mouth at the pipers and dancers and ... dogs...? dressed in Lepre-finery.

Men in kilts!

All in all, it was a joyful celebration. I’ve never been to the Emerald Isle, but from photographs and movies, I can tell it’s lovely. And part of it belongs to Great Britain, which, again, I love... the accents are lyrical, the music begat bluegrass, the writers have been prolific and poetic. Even the food is not too bad, as British food goes. And then there’s Guinness.

The Irish are a pretty important ingredient in the melting pot we live in. It’s hard to believe they were ever the object of discrimination. “Now hiring. No Irish need apply.” Say what? I guess they never met Bono... who wouldn’t hire him?

I bet they'd hire Bono...

But I digress... I guess American celebrations of Patrick’s saint day have denigrated from the celebration of a freed slave who shared the gospel with his captors, to a celebration of Irish culture ... into, well... parties. With whiskey, green beer and Kiss Me I’m Irish buttons. If we let them. Yesterday in the morning, we said the St. Patrick prayer that starts with: “I bind unto myself today / The strong Name of the Trinity, / By invocation of the same, / The Three in One and One in Three.” And I’ve already told you what we did after... Yes, I made up my mind to claim the day to dote on my son... to shower him with gifts and sweet surprises. Much like God does for me. Yes, I have written about how God grows me through trials and testing, but it has also been my experience, that He likes to charm us with astonishing, often serendipitous, curveballs. 

Like the time I was embarrassed and feeling awkward in front of a friend, and I unexpectedly saw the actor Robin Williams. Like when I quit my job at a newspaper to move to Asheville, and suddenly the exact same job came open at the Asheville paper. Or like when I asked God to heal me of my crazy thinking about food, and He gave me a husband and child. Yes, God’s surprises are big and small. Lovely and amazing... like grace.

Dig the Big Picture, my friend...

Matthew Sweet, blooming
where's he's planted. 

I try to be forthcoming. Sure, I talk about all kindsa crazy stuff – music, movies, how my kid’s doing… whatever. I’m random, but I’m not cagey about how I love Jesus and how I’d love for you to meet Him. 

That said… well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I do tend to sort of skirt around some issues…  And it’s not that I don’t know about or think about these issues, it’s just that… they can be obstacles to some people, or divisive… and that’s not what I’m about. 

I try to focus on the MAIN THING, that is, introducing folks to Jesus… Because once they meet HIM, they can ask HIM those questions. After all, He’s the One who really knows the answers. Some people may act like they do, and they really HAVE gone to school to learn about it and all – the Bible, how it was written, language and translation issues, different points of view regarding certain problems, etc… But in my opinion, even these people really should be prefacing everything with the implication that, “From what I understand…” or “My interpretation of this is…” 

EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!

And while these folks do have a leg up on the every day joe like me of how to approach some of these tough questions, we really can study them ourselves, and… I can tell you firsthand, this is a stunning privilege, and one that I relish… even though I am often completely stumped. And I tell God so… often!

Of course, discussing the issues with God, well – I guess this could be one of those “slippery slopes,” people are always freaking out about – because the discussion can seem a little one-sided... seeing as how you can’t hear His side of it.* You could slide right down that greasy slope and fall smack dab into the jaws of the of “it means whatever I decide it means” trap.

But… we’re not completely without God’s guidance. See, I regard the Bible as His side of it. Not that that makes it any easier. In fact, it’s pretty dang confusing and hard to stomach sometimes… especially for a lousy sinner like me. According to the gospel of Matthew Sweet: “And then you’re ripped right out of the ground / Like a f*ckin’ root / No you simply cannot hide / From the ugly truth.” Yeah, it kinda lays all your crappiness out for you so there’s no where to run. 

A really big picture of The Big Picture

But the Bible… well, it also contains the counter-curse, if you will… the “Expecto Patronum!!”… Because it tells me the story of who God is – the One who made me, and who loves me… so much that he died for me. And that was while I was still a sinner, it says – although I’m not sure why it puts me being a sinner in the past tense… 

Which means I’ve got no stones to throw at anyone. And if I DID throw stones, what kind of picture would that paint of God for people who need Him? (That is, everyone!) I’ve been reading through Paul’s first letter to the church in Corinth, and, GOOCHER! He kinda sort of talks about this same thing! I think he’s talking about sticking to the big picture when he says, “We put up with anything rather than hinder the gospel of Christ.” So that’s why I don’t directly address some of the issues people have. Not because I’m cagey or simple-minded, but… because the big picture is Jesus. And I wouldn’t want anyone to miss it.

Is that a ghost? or a bit
of underdone potato?

*True story: One time I was wrestling with a thorny question, and I actually felt like God was “telling” me (not out loud, of course): “That’s one of those things you are allowed NOT to know.” Of course it may have been just an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato… as Ebenezer Scrooge speculated regarding the post mortem appearance of his BFF Jacob Marley.  But since this idea is wholly unlike my natural tendency to want to gnaw on things until I’ve reached a satisfactory answer, I felt like … maybe I didn’t come up with it on my own?

Because sometimes you need a little treat...

Post by Nat Stine.

Because we all know what happens when we ASSUME...!!

My friend Cam, in his
natural habitat.

A friend from my high school years – who I haven’t seen in AGES (maybe since high school?!) posted the following on Facebook:

Out of sheer curiosity, I just checked my personal Facebook profile; and it revealed that I have 1,520 Friends on here. I am thankful for, and love, each one of you. Of those 1,520 people, I know that MANY have found your peace with the Lord Jesus Christ. Are there any who haven't? Are there any who need someone to speak with you about it? If so, PLEASE message me. There is NOTHING in this world I'd rather do than share the Gospel with you!

To my shame, my first thought was this: "How does HE have more friends on Facebook than I do? I mean, seriously - he has WAY more than my measly 845!" So… moving right along… My second thought was … that – in a very nice, unblustery way, he had said something that I want people to know about me… but I don’t necessarily want to come out and SAY it… probably because I'm afraid I won't sound nice or unblustery. I tend to stick to communicating such things in written form, so folks can choose to click or not to click...

Bryan Berghoef, author of
Pub Theology, in HIS
natural habitat.

Anyway, this guy is a Baptist minister, so people would EXPECT him to say this kind of thing. But I’m just a regular joe – so I tend to assume that people would rather NOT hear about that stuff… that this part of me makes them a little uncomfortable… that they’re mostly hoping it won’t come up. And generally, it doesn’t. I might mention in normal conversation that I was at church this morning… or something like that… nothing purposeful, just informational, doncha know. I guess I shouldn’t assume, though. You know what they say happens when we ASSUME!!! And, honestly, I don’t mind so much being made an ass of, but I don’t want that to happen to YOU…!

Bryan's book

Another thing I’m thinking about is this story told by the pastor at our church, about his own mom. Here is the actual audio of the sermon (if this works...?!) Drag the slider over to 39:20, and you’ll hear the story. The gist of it is, when someone finally told her the gospel when she was in her 20s, she was, like, “Why didn’t anyone TELL me this before???!!!” So while I think the odds are likely that people are thinking “keep it to yourself, Jesus freak”… there could be the off-chance that there is a person out there that is jonesing for the living, loving word of God. 

Yours for the askin'!

And if that person is you – or even if you’re just mildly interested in a spiritually-tinged conversation… then, by all means, pull up a chair! Have a beer! Let’s talk gospel! There’s actually a thing called pub theology where people get together at a bar and have a no-holds barred-discussion about the Almighty. I always wanted to attend or even host one of these things, but, well… not with this crazy schedule of mine! That said, if you want to talk, I’ll MAKE time… with or without the frosty mug. 

Pull up a chair!
Have a beer! Let's talk!

Because Cam (that’s my friend’s name) and I might SEEM pretty different – scrolling through his Facebook profile, I see a guy who’s fond of country music, digs Disney’s animated offerings, and, well... is a Baptist minister in a small tobacco town… while my tastes run to edgier music and films, and I’m a freelance graphic designer – a pew jockey at a non-denominational church in a funky, liberal college town. But the truth is, we’re as alike about this one thing as two peas in a pod – our desire to give you (or at least discuss) the keys to the Kingdom… you just have to ask!

Could it be...

So… apparently my most recent blog post went live on August 8th. I’m not sure, but I’m thinking that’s the longest I’ve gone between posts. It’s, like, more than a month!! The truth is, I am experiencing a pretty severe case of writer’s block. Thank goodness I don’t write for a living! I mean, I would if I could, but … then where would I be if I got writer’s block? I suppose I’d muddle through…

Which makes me think I should just muddle through here and write and post something… but what? What have I got to say? Except that I have writer’s block. And that I am afraid that it might be one of the symptoms of menopause. I mean, I know a muddled brain goes with that FUN time of life. So is that why I can’t write? Muddled menopause brain? 

Where are you?!?!?!

And is that why I can’t find my black Chucks? Because I really want to wear them today, and i haven’t seen them in weeks! Muddled brain —> messy house. Of course muddled menopause brain doesn’t explain the mess of the past 10 years….! Plus, I’m not even going through menopause yet. Perimenopause, maybe… 

And if this is what perimenopause is like, that makes me a bit worried about the impending real deal! What’s THAT gonna be like?! Will I burn the dinner, forget to wear pants and be unable to speak in complete sentences? ‘Cos the way it’s going now, that looks inevitable!

I'm probably gonna
need TWO a day...

Anyway, about the writing. Part of the problem is that my brain is fried and I can’t think of any good topics. Is there anything you'd like me to wax prosaic about? Also, if i DO think of a good topic, I write and write but am never satisfied with it, so it never gets posted. Is that also part of the menopause? peri- or otherwise? Is it making you uncomfortable that I keep bringing up the menopause? :-)

Yep.

Today in church we heard the pastor speak about spiritual warfare – that is how the devil messes with us. He (the pastor, not the devil) said – if I heard it correcty – that the devil likes to screw with us where we are the most effective witness. So at the risk of sounding crazy, I'll say that I started to wonder if the devil was taking a poke at my writing. And it might be a valid thought IF I were that effective... and  IF I had a large audience, which I don’t. I mean, if you’re reading this, you are a member of a very small (but non-exclusive) club. I do have more readers for my column in the Chapel Hill News, and that’s been a struggle too, lately. 

Bonus points if you know
why this photo is in here!

That said, I still think I would be flattering myself to imagine that the devil would be worried about anything I might write! Of course, maybe he’s not worried about how many people are going to read what I write, but rather, he just wants to mess with each and every one of God’s children, no matter how small their audience is. Because when he messes with any one of us, he fancies that he messes with God. As if God couldn’t (and didn’t) squash him like a bug. 

Another point the pastor also made is that the devil hates when we get real about his existence. That is, he can do more damage if people think he’s a mythical creature. And what was the last thing I wrote? A blog in which I flat out said, as our friends the Louvins did, “Satan is real.”

You'll have to click on 
the links down there to 
figure out this one.

Perhaps it’s a coincidence that suddenly I can’t write… who knows. It could be stress. Or exhaustion. Or, as I mentioned above, the menopause (I said it again!) But on the off-chance that it’s not any of those things, I’m writing this. And it may not be the best thing I ever wrote, but I’m writing it… in defiance of any poking at me the guy on the ham spread can might be doing. Because I know poking at me is all he can really do... and I can let it get to me, or I can remind myself that "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8) and write some stuff anyway, no matter how lame.

This one too!

I remember one time in a class I was in, they were addressing the topic of spiritual warfare. I guess I’m making it sound like our church is always going on about satan like the Church Lady – you know, finding demons under every rock… but seriously, we’re really not. But when we come to the topic in a natural course of things, we don’t avoid it or gloss over it. And by the natural course of things, I mean, for instance, if the pastor is preaching through a book of the Bible and comes to a clump of verses that bring up ol’ Scratch. In such a case, he’d just give us the low-down instead of pretending the verses aren’t there.

Could it be...

Anyway, so, in this class that I mentioned at the top of the previous paragraph, the teacher said this, or something very much like it: “The devil can’t read your mind, so you have to tell him OUT LOUD to leave you alone.” Remember when Jesus said, “Get thee behind me, Satan”? Like that. Now, I have no idea how this teacher knows this, but I do respect her, and her teaching hasn’t let me down thus far, so I’m just going to go with it. 

So… maybe the devil can’t read minds… but I can’t imagine that words on a page (or computer screen) are a problem for him… as they have been released into the world in some way. So this is my way of giving that sleazy rascal his marching orders. That’s right, you big red jerk, I changed the lock on my front door… so don’t come around here no more.

The Blood is the Life (Red Letter Edition!)

Too many vampires to count!

Okay, so I’ve confessed to a weird fascination with men in kilts, and that was embarrassing… so here’s another one. Vampires. Yep. Not actual vampires. I mean, IF those exist, I’m sure they’re not something I want to know about… I’m talking about literary and screen vampires, of course… Dracula, Edward and Jasper Cullen, Damon and Stefan Salvatore, Angel and Spike, Bill Compton and Eric Northman, John Mitchell, Louis and LeStat… 

…and Matthew Clairmont from Deborah Harkness’s books. He is fine. And these books are sooooo good. I can’t stop reading them. When the last one came out recently, I trekked over to Quail Ridge Books in Raleigh to meet Ms. H. She spins a fascinating tale – about a historian who studies ancient alchemical manuscripts… and just happens to be a witch. She meets the aforementioned vampire and sparks fly. Literally. From her fingertips. 

I know – it sounds about as silly as a book about a modern woman who time-travels to Scotland during the 1745 Jacobite rebellion and falls in love with a hot kilted warrior, but as I said before, I’m all over that one too!

A few of my favorite 
vamps: John Mitchell 
(Being Human,) Jasper  
Cullen (Twilight) and 
Eric Northman – long-
hair version (True Blood)

Anyway, I’ve been trying to figure out why I love vampires in books so much and, well… I’ve not been able to come up with anything…?? Maybe because the ones in the books I read are invariably described as blindingly handsome… Yes, I'm that shallow. Plus, they have superpowers: super speed, super senses, super strength, super sex appeal… And who doesn’t love a superhero? Who doesn’t wish they had super powers?

And, like the kilted warriors in my beloved Highland fantasies, they are dangerous bad-boys… the ultimate bad-boys. Of course if there really were vampires, I’ve a feeling they would look more like Count Orlok in Nosferatu or (at best) Marilyn Manson in full makeup, than Robert Pattinson or Alexander Skarsgard. And drinking blood… ew. But a good fiction writer can make these guys sound like the men of our dreams! A super hot man who thirsts for his lady like a vampire thirsts for blood. Except in this case they’re one and the same. Who doesn't want to be desired so deeply?

But then there’s the question of … is it okay for a Christian to read this kind of thing? And my answer is… Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know. 

I mean, the Bible says not to get involved in the occult. In I Samuel 28, King Saul gets in hella big trouble when he consults a medium. Well, I’m not doing anything like that. I have no interest in what a medium might have to say. I’m reading a story. A love story. A ripping yarn. I’m being entertained. And, honestly, when I read a good love scene it sends me straight to the marriage bed… which God loves. The marriage bed, I mean. He’s into that. And so am I.

I wonder if this is one of those kind of things that people have to make up their own mind about – like eating food sacrificed to idols. (I Corinthians 8) Like… it’s not a sin unless you think it is, because idols don’t exist. It only has to do with whether it messes with your conscience. If it bothers you, don’t do it. Of course that might just be my excuse... I don't know...

I met Deborah Harkness, 
who created the sexy vampire 
Matthew Clairmont! There's 
no movie yet, but I picture 
him as played by Clive Owen.

I mean, honestly, I have no problem distinguishing between reality and fantasy. Although maybe atheists would beg to differ...? I mean, what is a belief in God if it’s not a belief in the supernatural? But so far, worshipping one supernatural Being hasn’t proved itself a gateway drug to believing in all proposed supernatural beings, especially those conjured by human pens. 

And truly, I'm not sure HOW I know the difference, I just know that in the actual true story of my life, my soul was dead, my body was nearly dead (undead?)… but now I’m alive. And this is NOT fiction, but my real life. A good writer can write mesmerizing stuff that entertains, but is it true? It may contain truths about love and life, but is it Truth with a capital T?

And to throw a weird wrench into the engine, I DO believe that Satan exists, as our friends the Louvin Brothers taught us. So last night when Tom and I watched an episode of Penny Dreadful where a lady surrenders to the devil, I was a completely creeped out. Why do I believe in one thing and not the other? I guess my measuring device is the Bible… which... some people might think was also conjured by human pens. 

I guess we could sit around and jaw all day about whether or not the Scriptures are inspired by God and if the Bible or God are not your thing, I’m probably not going to convince you of anything because, well, in my experience, you have to say yes to it BEFORE it makes complete sense and sounds like truth. I guess that’s faith… 

I'm thinking if there
WERE real vampires
they might look more like 
Count Orlok from 
Nosferatu or Marilyn 
Manson in full makeup.

Anyway, let’s say the Bible is my plumb line. Is Satan mentioned in the Bible? Yes. Are witches in the Bible? Actually, yes, but they’re not exactly the kind that you read about in your average paranormal romance. Moving right along… Are vampires in the Bible? No. 

Although… In the Old Testament, the Israelites are specifically prohibited from drinking the blood of the animals they killed, “for the blood is the life.” Maybe to reinforce that God Himself was the source of their life? Or to set them apart from the pagans around them whose religious rites involved drinking blood? Whatever the reason, they were told more than once that blood was NOT a suitable beverage for God’s children.

That’s why the top dogs at the Temple were so freaked out when Jesus said THIS: “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them.” (John 6)

The Louvins cautioned us not to
discount the existence of Satan.

Yeah, the Pharisees freak, but it actually seems to me as if they were more puzzled by the logistics of it (“Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves, ‘How can this man give us his flesh to eat?’ ”) than concerned with violating the law – although I’m sure this came into it as well. I find it odd that those guys couldn’t seem to get a grasp of the symbolic – especially when their whole religion was chock full of metaphors – what with the temple and the sacrifices and all. Or maybe they didn’t like Jesus telling them (in so many words), “Everything you’ve been doing is just a metaphor for what’s happening NOW.” Maybe they thought THEY had the whole of the real thing…? 

But I digress… anyway, Jesus established this “blood drinking” ritual for all time with the institution of Holy Communion at that last supper he had with his friends. “Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.” (Matthew 26:27-28)

A famous portrayal of the event where Jesus told
his peeps to (symbolically) "drink His blood."

That’s right. Drink His blood. Because the life is in the blood. So... I started out talking about vampires… which I don’t believe in… and wandered over into a religious ritual involving the symbolic ingestion of blood… which I do believe in… which sort of pushes the question out again – how do I know the difference between what is and is not real…?

It has to do with experience: Again - my soul was dead, my body was nearly dead… but now I’m alive… Heck, I have superpowers! I am strong even when I’m weak, wise even when I’m foolish… I can love with a preternatural love, influence events with prayers, and do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And immortality? Yep.

And we still do it, after a fashion.

It also has to do with faith: To understand these things (as if anyone could) you have to first grab hold of them. Knowing comes AFTER: “When you have lifted up the Son of Man, THEN you will know that I am he…” is what Jesus says in John 8… followed by this: “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. THEN you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (emphasis mine)

And if you find yourself unable or unwilling to reach out for God, tell Him so. That's what I did. I actually told Him to leave me alone! And we see how THAT turned out...!