Yeh, I Was Feeling God's Pleasure

The Carolina Theatre
in downtown Durham...

If you know me, or read this blog very often, you probably think that my husband and I (and sometimes our kid) are constantly going to shows and concerts… and you wouldn’t be wrong. I’m thinking about that Toyota commercial where the guy has bought too much car and has to give up his concert tickets and other luxuries. Well, you can bet that wouldn’t happen to us… because to my husband, live music is one of the necessities – like food, shelter and love. So… either we wouldn’t buy too much car, or we’d cut some other thing... like… well, I don’t know. Just not concerts. At any given time, we have around five envelopes on our fridge, each holding tix to a show of some sort.

Anyway, the other night we took in a little show by Brad Mehldau and Chris Thile at The Carolina Theatre in downtown Durham. Now, first off, The Carolina Theatre is a great venue – a lovely old Beaux Arts style building that has been beautifully restored. It makes you feel grand just to be there. Okay, so I did used to make their ads, so I’m a little biased. But it IS cool.

...a great place for a show!

Secondly, they set up folding chairs in front of the regular blue velvet theatre seats and call it “the pit,” and let me tell you, from that front row, it’s pretty hard to dodge the sweat droplets from the performers. Speaking as someone who remembers seeing R.E.M. so close up I could have touched Peter Buck’s boot, this is PERFECT.

Anyway, if you don’t know who Chris Thile is, his Wikipedia page gives a pretty good rundown, although you will want to take into consideration that it IS Wikipedia, and so, questionably accurate. You could also click on some of the links in the next paragraph to learn more.

Tom and I have seen him with his childhood/teenage band Nickel Creek, Punch Brothers, solo, with Michael Daves, and last night’s show with Brad Mehdlau, a jazz pianist who, like Thile, likes to play a buttload of notes.

Brad Mehdlau and Chris Thile –
the show in question

Thile is a charismatic personality who never fails to entertain and impress with his virtuosity. His skill with the mandolin is unsurpassed. I’ve written a whole post about my awe at his prowess. You can read it here. This is not about that, and it’s not really a review – I just wanted to give you a few thoughts I had that night.

Okay, so it's creepy 
for me to say so, but 
Chris Thile is hot!

The two musicians took their positions on stage, and I’m not going to lie to you – when I saw the long, lean, handsome Thile, I completely lusted in my heart. Of course, it’s slightly creepy, since he’s nearly 20 years younger than me… and because I’ve been seeing him perform since he was not even legal, but no one can control those things, can they? I’ve always had a thing for musicians. Everyone knows that. I can’t say it bothers me much, though. It just means I’m alive, right? I remember when I was in the throes of anorexia and about as lusty as a pinecone. Believe me, this is preferable.

And lust like that, after all, is just surface. It’s a fantasy. A guy like that… might be an a-hole, am I right? Chock full of talent and charisma… women probably throw themselves at him. Lusting after the guy is just part of enjoying the performance. (That’s what I like to tell myself, anyway.) It’s not like pledging your life and living through the good, the bad and the mundane with someone. That’s why, at this point, I just snuggled up to my husband, the only male body I have rightful access to… and he’s a tall, joyful hunk of man who more than suffices.

My next observation… I am so not a jazz fan. Noodles? My favorite food! Noodling? No thanks. That said, this show was a nice blend of note-y noodling and actual songs. Thile has a pleasant, expressive voice, but you don’t really need to even listen to the words. I mean, he pretty much uses his voice as third instrument, bending and shaping the sounds to match his musical aims. Not that the words were bad or inconsequential, I just got the feeling they were very much not the point. Even on the crowd-pleasing Dylan song, Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right.

Actor Ian Charleson as  Eric Liddell  in 
Chariots of Fire, feeling God's pleasure

On the first Punch Brothers record, Thile worked through the pain of his dissolving marriage, but in this side project, I find his activities to be more about musicianship than self-expression. He’s a virtuoso pushing the limits of his technique, trying something new. Of course, I can’t read his mind, so it’s quite possible that he’s playing out his devils in this too… but not in any obvious way.

Speaking of the devil… While Thile and Mehdlau played they employed maximum facial expressionage. In fact, Thile kind of plays with his whole body… Think about the faces jazz musicians make when laying down funky riffs, multiply it by about ten, then you’ll know what I’m talking about. It made me think of that line in Chariots of Fire where Eric Liddell says, “When I run I feel His pleasure,” to express the joy in the Lord that running gave Him. The movie would show him running down the beach or in a race in those loose white running clothes and at a certain point he’d throw his head back and you’d know that He was feeling God’s pleasure. This clip says it all.

Chris Thile, feeling God's pleasure?

And that’s what I sensed those guys doing… feeling God’s pleasure. So if you’re not airing your devils in your music, maybe just grooving on the fact that there is music and you can play it is the opposite…! I laughed out loud at the show thinking, “Sometimes I feel God’s pleasure when I write.” It’d be funny if I were sitting here at my Macbook pounding this out and making grimmacy "into it" faces?!

Anyway, I don’t know if this was exactly what was happening to Chris Thile, but when I know that when he plays that mandolin – no matter the style… I am most certainly feeling God’s pleasure!

Just sitting here drinking my Wittenberg beer...

Where I worked for
"the man"

I haven’t always been this carefree (ha!) artsy-fartsy, “I’ll just spend a couple of minutes on Facebook, an hour on my blog,” self-employed gal. Yes, that’s right – I once worked for “the man” aka, a big company. I enjoyed great health insurance, a credit union, a “breakroom,” a not-too-shabby Christmas bonus, and the support of wonderful and hilarious co-workers (RIP Nancy Michelle – I miss you!) That said, I now enjoy the freedom to be the aforementioned carefree, self-employed, yoga-pants-wearing work-at-home/own-business-owning mom.

Having been away from the corporate climate for seven years, I am not sure what the new trends in employee betterment are. I have vague memories of completing a group course based on the book, Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M.D. Remember that gem? It must still be a thing, because there’s a web site. If I remember correctly it was about some mice in a maze who freak out because their cheese is suddenly not where they last saw it. It’s supposed to help people learn how to deal with change without stressing out. (Come to think of it, when an organization has its employees take this course, shouldn’t that be a red flag that someone's about to start shuffling the cheese around?!)

Another time we were all ushered through a famous course of study called “Covey Training.” Based on the best-selling book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey, a self-help book published in 1989. Looking it up on Wikipedia will give you a fairly tight synopsis of the seven habits, which include pithy nuggets like, “Put First Things First,” (Habit 3) and “Think Win-Win.” (Habit 4) 

Who, indeed...

Sitting there in the conference room with people from up and down the food chain at my corporation, I was excited by these easily absorbed and remembered (albeit obvious) concepts, but also found myself kind of surreptitiously looking around the room at the other participants thinking, “Sure I’ll give it a go, but how far will it get me – y’all will still be a-holes.” It’s not a thought I’m proud of…. I’m just saying… Sometimes a workplace seems more like a tug of war between opposing departments than a group of people working toward the same end.

That said, even working for myself sometimes seems like a tug of war… between my clients, their clients, me, and my family… I gotta say, though, it’s still much nicer than putting on an actual outfit and going to a job all day every day.

Anyway, that LONG intro is just to bring us to the point where I can tell you that back when I was coerced into learning to use the seven effective habits, the part I most remember was Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind. As part of working this step, we were instructed to devise our own mission statement, and I was all over that. I was young. Energetic, even. Gung ho. I did a lot of aerobics. I declared (on paper – we didn’t have to share with the group) my grand and lofty purpose to be part of what they call the Shema. It’s in the Bible in Deuteronomy, and then Jesus repeats it in Matthew 22:37, when someone asks him to identify the greatest commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”

 

Like Jesus said, it’s the greatest commandment, and so, a worthy goal. And being the gung-ho, energetic young Christian I was, embracing this seemed like a perfectly reasonable life purpose. And it was. I’m not saying otherwise… but…

Fast forward about 15+ years… to find me here, still gung-ho in my own way, but … much older, and much tireder. In the intervening years, I’ve moved several times, married, birthed and cared for a child, started my own business and written nearly 200 blog posts. I’ve watched myself, the church and society as a whole go through a lot of changes. In accordance, I have two reflections on my previous mission statement.

First of all, if you read the entire blurb of Jesus’s discourse in Matthew 22, you see that he also mentions the second greatest commandment.

“Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.””

You can get the Shema on a plate!

You see, besides all these experiences, my extra years have included many relationships – close and loose contact with all sorts of people, and I have learned that the two great commandments go hand in hand. I couldn’t just love God and ignore the people around me (or call them a-holes in my mind or otherwise as I did at the time.) I’m not sure how else to say it, but … God is easy to love, in theory. He’s perfect. He’s not even visible. But to love Him means to love what He loves… and that is everybody.

When I declared my life’s purpose to be the Shema, I didn’t exclude loving my neighbor as myself on purpose, but I think you have to include this part ON PURPOSE… because it’s not always the natural thing to do. Even the best people can be annoying, am I right?

That said, even my new and improved purpose, ie: one which incorporates both love for God and love for neighbor, is no longer my mission statement/motto/slogan. After years of striving and failing, I know that it is an impossible hill to climb. Even at my most buoyant, I couldn’t put a toe on that towering pinnacle.

In keeping with the Martin Luther quote,
maybe my bucket looks like this!

No, knowing what I know now, I find myself desiring to do this, but ultimately having to rest on a different cushion. So… I have a new motto. It comes from 2 Corinthians… In this passage Paul talks about some  hardship he’s going through. 

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

 And that’s my motto: “His grace is sufficient.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)

Some goals are achievable – lose weight, quit smoking, become a manager, write a book… I guess when I was young and wild, I thought loving God with my whole self was a realistic goal. Now I know that it is not… not without His love and grace.

I guess a good metaphor for this would involve a huge bucket that needs filling. My own efforts to love, work, acheive... sort of dampen the bottom of the bucket – it’s more like a token gesture. God fills the rest to overflowing with his infinite supply of love and grace.

Just this morning I read this awesome quote:

Martin Luther and his little
 glass of Wittenberg bear

"It is reported that Martin Luther once said, 'While I drink my little glass of Wittenberg beer, the gospel runs its course.'* Surely this is one of the truest and most reassuring things ever said about beer and God in the same breath. Our relationship with God is not the result of our efforts. Rather, a loving and gracious God acted on our behalf, granting us a most benevolent gift.” – Fil Anderson, Running On Empty

Anderson refers here to our relationship with God, but I find that no thing that I attempt or achieve in any arena – being a wife and mom, working, just getting through each day - is due to my own efforts, but to God’s grace. And it is sufficient. It kind of has to be... because I am definitely not.

The Last, Scandalous Temptation

Stuff Christians (like my
husband) like:
Bob Dylan's Saved...

I know it’s probably wrong, but since my husband doesn’t read my blog, I feel like I can say things about him with impunity. Not that I’m saying anything bad or anything… I’m not, or I haven’t or, or I don’t plan to… I try to convey my love while also keeping it real, and being his wife is part of my realest reality.

I have mentioned before that he and I have vastly different worship styles, and that is also real. We attend a fairly loose church, but it is comprised of an array of worshippers showing their love in various styles. While we don't have people speaking in tongues or being slain in the Spirit, we do have folks that cry and raise their hands and dance a bit during the songs... as well as those that stand still, eyes fixed on the power point screen bearing the song lyrics, quietly, reverently singing along. We as a couple run that gamut. And if you haven’t guessed, I’m the one that is dancing around with her hands in the air like she just don’t care… I mean, cares too much, if that’s a thing. While Tom, well, his caring is on the inside. He’s mentioned that he likes the music we have, but if I would not be surprised if he also wouldn’t mind if we just sang hymns like in the church he grew up in… the uber-conservative First Presbyterian Church in Greensboro. Because, after all, if you're not going to do rock/folk/pop well, stick with the tried and true, am I right? We are fortunate that our guy does the rock/folk/pop thing well.

The Swan Silvertones...

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m a huge embarrassment to him at church. And not only does he eschew the overly emotional at church, he also is not big on the Christian subculture that surrounds us. I think that embarrasses him too. What he does love, though, is Christianity expressed through good art. In general, he experiences art as a critic. For this reason, his critic’s eye negatively assesses much “art” that communicates Christianity… for instance, those badly acted, obvious films like Courageous, and Facing the Giants and pop music by Michael W. Smith or Amy Grant.

So... what does he like? Bob Dylan’s Christian albums. One time we returned from our church’s Maundy Thursday service and in a fit of religious fervor, he immediately put on the excellent gospel record, Saved. I know most Dylan fans don’t really like Bob’s born-again phase, but this is a really good, vigorous record. He also likes the gospel group The Swan Silvertones.

...and this movie.

Another thing he really likes? Martin Scorsese's The Last Temptation of Christ. Not only is he a huge Scorsese fan, but I wonder sometimes if he doesn’t like the thought of doing something a bit “naughty.” You see, back when the film came out, there was some protest from the religious community. I saw it soon after it came out as a new Christian, and then again… just the other night – when Tom pulled it out to go with our observance of Easter.

I barely remember what I thought the first time I saw the it. I don’t think I was particularly offended, even though my young Christian skin was membrane thin. While watching it the other night, though, after 20+ years of Christian living, I had these thoughts:

I like how Willem Dafoe's
Jesus is regular looking...

1. The casting was genius. Harvey Keitel as Judas? I like Harvey Keitel as anything,really, but as a fiery red-headed Judas? Brilliant. Roman Grant – I mean, Harry Dean Stanton – as Saul… nice. David Bowie as Pontius Pilate… A lad insane. But most of all, I dug Willem Dafoe as Jesus. A lot of movie versions of the Bible show Jesus as a really handsome white/beige guy. Maybe it’s just that I happen to like long-haired fellows, but apparently Stephen Colbert agrees. In reference to the History Channel’s recent miniseries, The Bible, he complains on a recent episode of The Colbert Report. "Their Jesus is way too hot," he complained But not in this movie. Scorsese's Jesus, Willem Dafoe is … well, he has a nice, lean, muscular bod – but he's not a pinup. He’s got those crazy teeth and strange cheeks… He's the Green Goblin, after all.

 

...instead of super hot.

It made me think about this part of Isaiah 52: 

“He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted.” (Isaiah 52:2b-3) 

This is a great description of the Jesus portrayed by Dafoe.

2. On the other hand, the Jesus he portrays is much more confused than the one in the Bible. In fact, I’ve often thought when reading it: “Everybody in this book doesn’t have a CLUE. Except this guy.” Jesus always knows what to do and the exact right time to do it.  And while others are just floundering for words, he knows exactly what to say. In The Last Temptation, Jesus’s sufferings come not just from his earthly persecutors, but from the torment of God’s constant, but incomplete interaction with him. In other words, God talks to him and makes him doubt his own sanity, but God doesn’t tell him exactly what he needs to know. He’s left to blunder on, figuring it out himself.

 

Bowie as Pilate... a lad insane!

As I mentioned, I don’t imagine this is completely accurate, but it doesn’t bother me. In fact if I’m completely honest, I’ll admit that I often wondered sourly that Jesus may have experienced much of human life, but did he know what it was like to have NO idea what God wanted from him?

3. If we’re following the Bible, the inaccuracies are legion. Part of Jesus’ work as a carpenter included making crosses for the Romans? Really? Saul kills Lazarus? And this John the Baptist was an old man who didn’t know him, whereas the Bible story records that John was Jesus’s cousin, and their mother’s were pregnant at the same time. When I pointed this out, Tom reminded me, “It’s based on a NOVEL.” Fair point. It is a fictionalized re-imagining of the events of the time.

In this version, Judas is Snape!

4. Despite the biblical inaccuracies, I found the spirit of the thing to be reverent, earthy and humble… It feels like the product of an artist who loves Jesus. Here’s what Roger Ebert said that Scorsese and screenwriter Paul Schrader "paid Christ the compliment of taking him and his message seriously, and they have made a film that does not turn him into a garish, emasculated image from a religious postcard. Here he is flesh and blood, struggling, questioning, asking himself and his father which is the right way, and finally, after great suffering, earning the right to say, on the cross, 'It is accomplished.’”

5. This story has Jesus asking Judas to betray him to accomplish God’s ends… which makes him… SNAPE! In the Harry Potter series, Severus Snape is an evil bad guy who is trusted by Dumbledore, the all-knowing, all-powerful good guy. No one can figure out why Dumbledore doesn’t notice how evil Snape is. Even devil figure Voldemort thinks Snape is evil (ie., on his side.) It is not until late into the last book/movie with this memory montage that we find out that Snape had been in love with Harry’s mom and spying for Dumbledore and trying to protect Harry all along. And Dumbledore TOLD Snape to kill him. Of course Severus did have his nasty, bitter streak, but he was essentially on the side of right. And all through his life, to protect his “in” with the Deatheaters, no one could know his secret, true allegiance. (I can hear the gorgeous, husky voice of Alan Rickman in my head saying as Snape, “No one can know.”)

So in this version of the crucifixion, Judas is actually the faithful disciple and friend of Jesus who was willing to be known as the traitor for the rest of his short life, and throughout history as Jesus’s betrayer – who sold him for 30 pieces of silver to the Jews.

6. The Last Temptation of Christ was made in 1988, which means it bears the imprint of that over-the-top decade in the form of fluffy hair and a synthesizery soundtrack by Peter Gabriel.

7. The title actually refers to the protracted dream sequence at the end of the film in which, as Jesus hangs on the cross, he imagines himself walking away and living a normal life as a man, married with children. Even as a tender young believer, I didn’t find this particularly scandalous… it being a dream sequence and all. I did think it went on a bit long, leaving the viewer to suppose that it was real.

What's a crucifixion without
a good resurrection?!

8. What I actually found a bit scandalous, actually, was that the movie ends with Jesus giving up the ghost. Now I know that it’s about that final temptation like the title says, and it was the choice the author/director/screenwriter made, but to me, what’s a crucifixion story without a good resurrection? The sacrifice that Jesus made was complete. “It is accomplished,” he says… but it’s not the whole story. Jesus's resurrection showed that he wasn't just another Messiah poser. He actually was who he said he was... I mean, is. Maybe the movement that sprang up in his name would have gone on for a while, but in the end, they'd just be following the memory and teachings of a good man rather than the Son of the Living God.

For Jesus, the cross wasn't the end of the story, no more than baptism is the end of the story for us. Our baptism symbolizes our “dying” like Christ did, but as I said, that’s just the beginning. Here’s what Paul says: 

“Don’t you know that all of us who were baptised into Christ Jesus were baptised into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his.” (Romans 6:3-5) 

Okay, so the artistic choice to end the film at the cross was not exactly scandalous, but to me, it's the resurrection that makes the story. So there you have it – my thoughts on this scandalous art that prompts my quiet husband to worship.