Thank You, South Africa!

The dude, he does abide.

There are a million blogs in the naked city…. Um the naked internet… whatever. Truth is, I never read blogs much until I wrote one. Honestly, people would announce their new posts on Facebook and I would barely even notice it. Once I started posting my own updates, I somehow magically started noticing theirs!

And, you know what? There are about a hundred kinds of blogs out there. Scratch that – make it a thousand. Or maybe a million. There are “diary entry” types, blogs directed centered around photography, faith, politics, travel, fashion, self-help/motivation, parenting, pop culture, and etc., and etc. That’s just the (very) short list.

As I mentioned before, I’m supposed to be helping Jon Acuff launch his book. If you don’t know who HE is, well… he’s a blogger. He’s got TWO blogs. I can barely keep up with one. Anyway, the “launch group” is still in its getting-to-know-you phase, and everybody’s posting their twitter@ and their blog url. Until I read all of those urls and their descriptions, I somehow failed to realize just how many people were doing this. No wonder I can’t get more readers! There’s just too many blogs!

So, do me a favor – if you’re writing a blog. Stop it right now. Just kidding. You are most likely doing a much better job than I am… I don’t begrudge you your success at all. But I do kind of wonder what makes some blogs successful and others just sort of flounder.

My husband and I recently watched a fantastic movie called Searching for Sugar Man, about a musician from the early seventies called Sixto Rodriguez. See, Rodriguez put out some pretty bangin’ albums back then, but somehow … well, he just slipped through the fame and fortune cracks, quit making music and lived out his life as a laborer in Detroit. Somehow, though, a copy of his album, Cold Fact, made it to South Africa, where it exploded and filled out the record collections of nearly every middle class house, along with 70s standards like Simon and Garfunkel and the Rolling Stones. And even though Rodriguez has been until now, relatively unknown by most of the world, his music inspired and fueled the early stages of the anti-Apartheid movement! 

Anyway I guess that means that you guys… YOU are my South Africa. The only people in the entire world that are buying MY Cold Fact. Why didn’t Rodriguez reach a wider audience? I’m not sure. Why don’t I? Again, not sure. Maybe it’s a quality issue. In my case that’s not unlikely. Maybe it’s just that my blog is sort of all over the place. It’s actually got a bit of each of the things mentioned above: photography, faith, politics, travel, fashion, self-help, parenting, pop culture…

I sometimes wonder if I should focus it more… I imagine myself doing one of those fashion blogs where you take a photo of your outfit and talk about where you got each item. (Shirt: oversized men’s Guinness logo striped rugby shirt in burgundy and white, gift; leggings (black) from kmart, old; socks, hanes from Target, old; shoes, clompy black platform ankle boots from Urban Outfitters, on sale for $29.99.)

Maybe I'll cook through this tome...

Or maybe I could do one of those cooking blogs where you cook through a whole cookbook. Like in that movie Julie and Julia. Although I’d like to use some arcane book like The Williamsburg Art of Cookery or, Accompish'd Gentlewoman's Companion, by Helen Bullock. I could spend my evenings whipping up Robert E. Lake cake, Chicken Pye, Pork Cake, or Milk-Punch. Yum!

Yeah – I could do all those things, but that’s not really me. Not the whole me anyway. I like to cover a variety of topics. I mean, I’m nothing if not multifaceted. So instead of thinking I should be more focused, I prefer to decline to limit myself. If I had to describe my blog in a few words… Well, I’m not sure I could. But … maybe it would be something like… a crazy woman’s ramblings on faith, life and pop culture… Who wouldn’t want to read that?! I’m not kidding, Sometimes I read over past entries and think, “Who is this fantastic gal? She’s got it going on!”

Not really, but I have to at least like what I write, otherwise why would I bother putting it up? That would just be pointless and embarrassing: “Here’s a post about some stuff I don’t find interesting, not written all that well… but I’m putting it out there anyway just because blogging is where it’s at!” Well, that’s not me either. I find this stuff completely interesting, and want to use words – which I also love – to bring you in on it. Is that so wrong? Okay, maybe it is a bit egotistical...! Which is weird, considering how low my self-esteem can drag sometimes…

I love Evangeline by Matthew Sweet.
I'm pretty sure it's about me. ;-)

I have no idea as to why I’m writing this particular entry. “Rambling” was the right word for me to use, right? “Navel gazing” would be another one. I may not have a point this time, but in general I do, and I’m not embarrassed to say it’s mostly evangelical. And by that I mean, my goal is the spread of the gospel of God’s love. I have mellowed over time – mostly due to exhaustion, I guess. In the past, I could have been called an Evangelical (which, if I understand correctly, is not as tight-assed as a Fundamentalist, but not as relaxed as your average mainstream church-goer.)

Now, hilariously, Evangelical me would have hesitated at the word, “tight-assed.” I wouldn’t have minded, but I would have noticed it… But the me who is now telling you the gospel of God … well, I just said it… without batting an eye. So… this blog is not exactly Evangelical, but it IS evangelical. I hope. I’m trying anyway. 

So… lest anyone think that my blog lacks focus – well, I beg to differ. I mean, a post may be about fashion, music, food, politics, or anything... but we all know what it’s really about. That’s right. The big JC. The Dude. (Yes, He does abide.) ‘Cos that’s really all I’ve got. And whether the whole world is reading my ramblings – or just South Africa – I’m going to keep saying Him. And maybe we'll start a little revolution too!

Goodbye, Agenda...

I’m writing about Lent again, even though…  I was at an Ash Wednesday service yesterday and the priest reminded me of this ancient (but still valid) chestnut that Jesus said in the Bible:

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” (Matthew 6)

So… should I not be talking about giving up stuff for Lent? I don’t know. This is a blog about trying to live an authentic Christian life, so… and I tell you guys about everything else… I don’t know… maybe you don’t care…? Here goes anyway…!

Evans and her book

I’ve just read this book called, A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans. It’s about this sort of hipstery Christian woman who spent a year doing things the Bible tells women to do like camping out in a tent during her period, calling her husband Master and dressing modestly. At first when I read about this book in a newspaper wire story, I thought it sounded kinda gimmicky, but after reading it, I had a large change of heart.

She didn’t do all these things concurrently; she spent each month focusing on a different virtue like domesticity, obedience, valor, silence… did she find out what it was actually like to be one of those women in the Bible? Sleeping in a tent once for a few of nights in the suburban Tennessee was probably not in any way similar to doing it month after month in ancient Palestine… added to all the other womanly duties and virtues espoused by the Bible.

That said, I’m thinking it was NOT a pointless exercise. Because that’s what it was… an exercise. Like a spiritual discipline. These kind of ceremonial things are just shadows… things that point to the real thing. Dig this from Colossians: "Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ." So, while there’s no way any modern woman could know what it was like for those gals... for a whole year, Evans was brought closer to God through the constant awareness brought about by these … um… interesting… lifestyle changes.

If I understand correctly (and I may not) the idea of Lent is to prepare the believer for Easter through prayer, penance, repentance, almsgiving, and self-denial. (Wikipedia)  I guess what we most focus on these days is self-denial… although, maybe what we deny ourselves can be tied into our penance and repentance (I’m not sure what the difference between these two things is.)

The reason I'm not giving up Facebook.

For instance, if you had realized that you were much too fond of your daily Snickers bar, you could give that up. Or if you spend way too much time on Facebook at the expense of your family and work, you could stay off it for the six weeks of Lent. You know, to actually acknowledge the error of your ways.

I actually planned to give up Facebooking, but then I realized that I had committed to help launch Start, the new book by Jon Acuff. I’ve never done one of these book launch things before, but I am told it involves copious use of social networking. So… in order to fulfill my obligation to him, I will have to forego this particular resolve. (Of course, I’m secretly going, “Whew!”)

Which brings us to what I have actually resolved. Now, if I tell you, am I boasting like in the verses mentioned above by the priest at my son’s school? I hope not. I mean, I'm thinking I will also be sharing with you my failures to keep this resolve… Because I’ve chosen one which I imagine will carry with it a rather steep learning curve: I’m giving up my own agenda.

Mom! Mom! Look!
Look at me!

You see, I happen to be the extra-tired mom of a highly communicative child. A child who wants to tell me everything, show me everything, engage with me constantly. And I, who long for my books, am deeply invested in my work and quite fond of my writing, tend to blank out when he tells me his imaginative stories involving playground wars, abandoned forts and Lego creations… put him off when he says, “Look, mom, look!” … and otherwise avoid getting drawn in.

I’m a bad mom, right? Well, I can’t be a good mom overnight, but for now, I can do this exercise. I’m going to try to listen when he talks, come look when he says “Look!” and give him my full attention when he seeks it. Within reason, of course… I mean, I do have work to do, dinners to cook and the like. But as much as I can, I’m going to be fully present for this sweet child God has placed under my care.

So now it’s the second day of Lent and I have already failed. Nice. I expect to fail again and again over the next six weeks. But every time I fail, you know who I am reminded of? The One whose love never fails. Like Rachel Evans being reminded of God every time she looked in the mirror and saw her long messy hair, every time she said, “Yes, Master” to her husband… Each time I react with a huffy, “Not now! I’m trying to work!” I will be reminded of my imperfection and God’s perfection. And His perfect grace.

So that’s what I’m doing for Lent.

Welcome to my Morass

Can you addendum an addendum? Whether or not, I’m about to do it! I started out talking about how I have resolved to “engage conflict”… then in an addendum, I said I’m way too tired to get into it with EVERYone, so I’m just going to limit it to those closest by. Well, each time I thought, "That's all I have to say about THAT!" But then my crazy, confused mind keeps churning over all the crazy confused thoughts that have resulted from the statements previously made... and I just can't seem to move on! So here's a peek into the morass of moral struggle that pushes and pulls on my brain just now:

While I was writing the first addendum, I almost used in my defense my two quotes from Jesus in the first blog, which instruct us like this (emphasis mine,): “If your brother has something against you…” and “If your brother sins against you…” NOT, “If anyone you meet has something against you…” or “If anyone that crosses your path sins against you…”

My point was that “brother” implies close relationship – family... but I didn’t go there because I was also mindful of the parable of the Good Samaritan. This is a pretty popular story, but in case you need a refresher, here it is, as found in Luke 10:

The Good Samaritan was a stranger, but
the naked guy's neighbor nonetheless.

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

Of course this story uses the term “neighbor” instead of “brother,” so maybe it's referring to something completely different...? But I still didn’t feel right using the words of Jesus to justify myself in this case. I mean, you see where it got the expert in the law in Luke 10, right?

This is my neighbor... I
love him and would certainly
get him out of a ditch.

I have always found this particular parable ten kinds of confusing, even though for the most part, it couldn’t be clearer: Help people, dammit. Whoever God puts in your path! No matter who they are!

What I find confusing, though, is this: if you think about it: The man says, “Who is my neighbor?” (that is to say, “who do I have to love?”) Jesus’s answer is – the one who helped him. What? I thought it was about who WE were supposed to help. Now it’s – who helps us? See? I told you it was confusing!

Does that mean I’m supposed to love those who help me? That doesn’t seem right, does it? Doesn't everyone do that? (In another place Jesus says "If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?" FYI, that's also the passage where Jesus takes it all the way and tells us to love our enemies... as if loving our neighbor isn't enough work!)

Maybe Jesus meant for us to love whoever gives us the time of day... even if they are a filthy Samaritan. (Oddly enough, that reminds me of a friend of mine who lists his religion on Facebook as “Dirty Jew,” which totally cracks me up. Weren't Jews the clean ones?)

What I’m getting at here is… does the “brother” Jesus talked about as the person you are supposed to make things right with no matter what, differ from the “neighbor” who is either whoever needs your help – or whoever helps you?

These are my actual brothers... I love
them in a completely different way...
of course I would also get them out of a
ditch if called to do so.

I don’t know. Certainly giving physical aid to someone as an act of Christian love is not the same as the love you have and show to a person in your own family. You wouldn’t treat every woman the same as your wife. I hope not, anyway. You’re supposed to love your wife as your own body. And the woman next door? Just help her when she needs help. Unless, of course, she needs a sperm donor.

But I digress... and this has degenerated into one of the sillier, more self-answering posts I’ve written. I guess what I’m wondering is this: is love for one’s brother or other very close relative different from love for one’s neighbor? Maybe it’s the difference between love+affection and love+charity…? 

Another confusing thing is that apparently, all Christians are our brothers now. ("For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." – Matthew 12) Hmmm... I guess that's why Paul felt comfortable censuring other Christians... seeing as how they were family and all... 

So... does it mean that I am called to develop deep and excruciatingly real relationships with every Christian I meet? Not to sound awful, but I hope not. To reiterate – I'm just too tired. One thing is sure, though: If I see ANYONE lying in a ditch left for dead – Christian or not, I need to go out of my way to help… even if I might chip a nail.

And all this serves to highlight just how FAB Jesus was. He said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” But He didn’t just lay down his life for his friends – He laid it down for people He didn’t even know. Oh – wait a minute... He's God – He DOES know everybody! He's our neighbor, our brother – even our husband!* Fab, no?


*Ever heard the excellent song Jesus, Lover of My Soul?

Addendums (Addendi?)

After a discussion with a very good friend – one I’m not afraid to get into it with, by the way – I’ve decided that my last post needed some caveats or addendums (addendi?) or what have you. If you need a refresher and don't feel like scrolling down, I wrote about my resolution to “engage conflict” in order to go deeper in my relationships. Anyway, my friend made a valid point: Many – maybe most? – people don’t have the psychic energy it takes to “go deeper” with more than a couple of people in their lives.

She once heard a father tell the story of the time his daughter said, “I just can’t handle more than one high-maintenance friend.” And this father, who I consider to be an extremely wise man, thought that what his daughter had said was extremely wise.

I wouldn’t say that I have a lot of high-maintenance friends… maybe because I’ve practiced the above subconsciously throughout my life. I mean, I know my limitations. But I will also say that the level of plunging into relationships in which we “engage conflict” probably cannot be maintained across the board with all our acquaintances. I mean, maybe some people can handle that, but I would find it exhausting. And I’m already pretty tired.

Adam from Girls

In my mind, it’s mostly about context. For instance I will go deep with the people I am around the most – my husband and my best friend. (My siblings, too… not that they’re around, but we’re already in deep!) If we are going to be hanging out, I want to build a relationship that is based on who I really am – not the tiptoeing around afraid-to-say-boo me I usually show.

That said, I want to mention again that such self-being should be done with all kindness, patience, love and courtesy. Sure, home is a place where you can let your farts out with impunity – we do… but your inner a-hole? That needs to stay inside. Tell me the truth all you like, but be nice about it, right? 

Because I so don’t agree with what Adam says in an episode of HBO’s Girls: “When you love someone, you don’t have to be nice all the time.” In my sporadic reading of C.S. Lewis’ masterful writings, I KNOW that there’s a place where he addresses this misconception. Now, I love to quote my sources directly but have been unable to locate the reference despite quite an honest effort.

Again with the C.S. Lewis...

So, IF I remember correctly, Lewis says something like this: “People often think they don’t have to be courteous at home, citing the need to be themselves. However, home is the place where courtesy and civility are most required.” I’m going to keep looking for this quote, just in case I’m totally misrepresenting, which I certainly could be… unintentionally, of course. 

Moving right along… to outside of the home… if we just see each other occasionally, it’s unlikely that we’ll be pissing one another off on a regular basis, so you needn’t fear me getting all up in your grill. You’d hope, anyway!

And if we are friends on Facebook, I’m not going to scrap with you because internet interaction can come across as cantankerous. That said, I do love me some meaningful discourse, so if you want to ponder the meaning of life, discuss theology – theoretical or practical – or just talk about the New York Dolls… then by all means, let’s have coffee or something! However, coffee talk, no matter how philosophical does not necessarily lead to the kind of “conflict engaging” I was talking about.

And, of course, none of this is to say I wouldn’t be assertive with people when needed – on simple things like “where do you want to eat?” Or, “What movie shall we watch?” Although sometimes I honestly have no opinion. It’s not a matter of fear of making waves – I just don’t have a preference. Or, for instance, if I got shortchanged or something. But that’s not the same thing, really.

Okay, so the meaning of this follow-up blog, is... wait – what is it? Um … oh yeah… Sure, I’m going to engage, but I know my limitations… and I can’t do the push-me-pull-you thing with every single person.