Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Good Things


Okay, so I just got this message from Google that I could advertise actual products on my blog. Well, that’s not really what I’m about… what I’m giving out is FREE! Get your free grace here!!! 

That said, I am a regular every-day American consumer who depends on manufactured goods to feed, clothe and care for myself. Mostly I’m a store-brand / cheapest version buyer, but… there are some products I use without fail and would advocate without hesitation. 

I would like to go on record here as saying that before Martha Stewart had her magazine, I thought of what she calls her "Good Things" column. The paper I used to make ads for would do special sections for a local mall, and the copy was always ... so-so. I thought we should have the merchants tell about their favorite things – whether in store or just in general. We never did this, but I thought it would have been interesting.) 

Anyway... I do concede that needs and tastes vary, but… here goes:

Black Chucks are classic, 
but I've always wanted 
some of these.
1. Quaker Old Fashioned Oats. I attribute my stellar cholesterol numbers to this stuff. Store brand versions turn out a porridge with a pasty texture, and fancy steel-cut oats give me that ripping kind of gas that no one should have to suffer. TMI? Sorry.

2. Advil Liqui-gels. They go straight to the headache, or whatever, like an arrow.

3. Leslie Sansone walking workout DVDs. Get your workout indoors. It’s never too hot or too cold to work out. And you can make them as vigorous or as mellow as you like. Run them if you want to. 

4. Apple. I am typing this on a Mac. I work on a Mac. I read on an iPad. I communicate on an iPhone. Call me trendy, I just love’em. They work for me.

5. Converse. Chuck Taylors are also trendy… but also timeless. They look good with everything, and they’re comfy.

6. Eddie Bauer jeans. I may be giving myself away as a wearer of mom jeans, but these jeans actually fit this bodacious mom body. Yeh, that’s right. It’s too booty-licious for you!

7. Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula with Vitamin E. There’s a tub of it by my bed, in the kitchen, in my purse, in my office… Best lip balm ever. I just put some on. (When he was a toddler Bill used to ask for it by saying, “My lips are naked.”)

8. Gold Bond Ultimate Healing Lotion… for all over. So creamy. I am right ashy, and nothing else quite does the job.

Krispy Kremes passing
through the veil of glaze.
9. Cheetos Cheese Snacks. The crunchy kind. I can’t really buy them because I WILL eat them all… I think they’re made of crack. 

10. 2nd best: Pepperidge Farms Flavor Blast Goldfish. A blast of… well… flavor! (Bill said today, “We should buy regular Goldfish for a while, then when we eat Flavor Blast, it will blast our mouths again.”)

11. Woodchuck Hard Cider, Granny Smith flavor. Tart, fruity, buzzy. 

Brendan Behan,
drinking Canada dry.
12. Dawn Dishwashing liquid. Serious grease relief. You can also use it on grease stains on clothes. (Make a paste with Oxyclean, rub it in and leave it for a bit… then wash.)

13. Trader Joe’s Peppermint Jo-jos. Think Oreos with candy cane-y crème inside... Christmas is coming. Stock up! Even better: the kind that are “enrobed” in chocolate and sprinkled with crushed candy canes.

14. Canada Dry Diet Ginger Ale… because store brand is flat and tasteless. Canada Dry holds up even after refrigeration. (Apparently Irish dramatist and author is the bringer of this famous joke: “I saw a notice which said, ‘Drink Canada Dry’ and I’ve just started.”

Jesus Christ...
He's the real 

good thing.
15. Krispy Kreme donuts. Hot off the conveyer belt… freshly drenched in the curtain of glaze… Nothin’ like’em. 

16. The LiceHappens service. They come to your house and comb the lice out of everyone’s hair. It’s awesome. I’ve already told you about that one here.

17. Jesus Christ. Baahaa - you knew i couldn't go through a post without mentioning Him! He comes to your heart and sweeps out the cobwebs and demons… then He makes himself at home. It's a good thing.

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