Greetings from my lockdown house!

Top to bottom: sourdough
bread made by my own two
hands... puzzle in progress...
Advent calendar for an added 
dimension to our Christmas 
celebration... cake made from
matzoh bread for Passover... 
socially distanced July 4th
mmm... charcuterie from 
Fearrington... homemade
candy... fab new shoes...
and Y'ALL I CAN DO 
A CROW POSE!  

So, just for kicks, I was scrolling through my blog - or I guess I should say, my OLD blog since I haven’t posted anything since JULY 26, 2019!!! What’s that about? Especially since I’ve had a buttload of time during the pandemic to write. 

But did I use the gift of time to share my faith and other musings in written form? No. You know how I spent the days that stretched out before me this past year? Well, I pursued a number of useful and useless endeavors:

1. Like everyone else, I tried baking bread… I started and nurtured a sourdough starter, baked a couple of tasty loaves, but then… I lost interest, and my starter took on the appearance of a science project. (Fun fact: One of my ancestors was instrumental in developing a more efficient strain of penicillin – so that enough vaccine could be produced and made available to the Allied troops in time for the D-Day landings!)

2. I did jigsaw puzzles – including some that were massively complicated!

3. I participated in Zoom meetings and live-streamed church services, concerts, author readings, lectures, fundraising events… If it could be streamed, I logged on. In a way it was easier, right? No need to make the huge commitment of getting dressed, getting in your car… Honestly, I’m really spoiled now. Although I miss live music, it might be hard for me in the future to take those extra steps to be present at events! And I’m an extrovert!! I can’t imagine how introverts must feel!

4. I watched re-runs of the Great British Baking Show, and tons of cooking videos on Facebook… Why is it so soothing to watch someone frosting a cake on a rotating plate? With plenty of time to cook, I tried to replicate some of the things I saw, but nothing ever looked like stuff in the videos! 

5. I endeavored to turn every holiday up to eleven within the confines of our home. In a normal year we are holiday people –any occasion to eat seasonal candy, decorate the house, give presents… but, as I said, I tried to amp the special days up any way I could... mostly with special takeout meals – preferably from Fearrington, Angus Barn or Crook’s Corner — but also some other flourishes! Like, for Christmas, which at our house is usually already at 11, we went just that much further and lit an Advent wreath and did a little scripture reading every Sunday. And, for Valentine’s Day I MADE candy. Specifically, Golden Oreo truffles and chocolate pizza… Both of which were decadent enough to make your teeth hurt, but oh-so-good. We celebrated the election like we were Joe Biden himself! We even gave a nod to some holidays that are outside of our purview!

6. We made our own holidays! Even our Saturdays have become de facto holidays. Tom has been the program director and chief engineer of our weekly movie nights, which begin with an early dinner, followed by a wacky Three Stooges short, a cartoon (Looney Tunes or Disney), a serial (Gene Autry anyone?) and then the night’s feature. The features vary widely and are tailored toward Bill… from 70s fare (The In-Laws, The Taking of Pelham 123, Jaws) to classics (Sunset Boulevard, Treasure of Sierra Madre, The Searchers) to easy fun stuff (Raising Arizona, True Stories.) After that, we might or might not watch Svengoolie’s offering on Me.TV. This is the point when I usually fall asleep… if I haven’t already! In nice weather, Tom set up a screen outside and we invited our friend Grace over and had a little socially distanced BYO party out there! 

7. I went shopping. I couldn't go to stores, but I also couldn't ignore the store that was just looking me in the face every time I sat down to work! And weirdly, I bought shoes. Not sure why, since I mostly wore the same three pairs of shoes all year! UGG boots indoors, checkerboard vans for rare forays into the outside world, and running shoes for working out. Because that’s something else I spent an inordinate amount of time doing. 

8. I love working out, but in normal times, I tend to do the minimum amount of exercise to achieve a moderate amount of fitness. I'm a big fan of this 22-minute workout advocated by NPR. But now, suddenly, with nothing but time on my hands... well... I did yoga, pilates, step aerobics, HIIT workouts, weightlifting, core work, stretchy band exercises, countless pushups… you name it. I started out revisiting old videos like Cher Fitness: A New Attitude, and graduated to the intricate steps and tough strength routines of Cathe Friedrich and the vigorous downward dogging and yoga flowing to the pumpin' playlists at Bulldog Yoga. Y’all I can do the crow pose! And side crow! Heck, I’m probably fitter now at nearly 59 than I’ve been in a LONG time!

BUT… why, oh why, didn’t I write? Wasn’t there stuff to say? You bet there was! What with the awful pandemic, forced self-isolation, an election fraught with controversy, increasing racial tensions, a crazy insurrection… Did I have an opinion on any of this? You bet I did! Why didn’t I write about it?

I guess I was… well… I think the term is “listless”… 

list·less

/ˈlis(t)ləs/

adjective

adjective: listless

(of a person or their manner) lacking energy or enthusiasm.

Yes, I think that’s the word. Although I do have plenty of lists believe you me! To-do lists, to-cook lists, to-clean lists, to-read lists, grocery lists, shopping lists, Christmas lists, top-ten lists… You name it, I have a list. What I didn’t have was energy or enthusiasm, as specified in the definition above. 

But I was thinking about writing. Non-stop. And what I mostly wanted to tell y'all... is how even when we feel like things are falling apart around us, God is still the King of the Universe who will, in time, make everything all right. 

And I know that’s easy for me to say… all things considered I’ve had a pretty easy time of it. My sister posted one of those memes about "which lockdown house would you choose?" and after considering my options, I had to admit that my house was just as good as most of those. I mean, sure we don’t have a private beach or a hot tub, but our backyard is pretty spacious, and we do have plenty of pizza and beer and snacks and chocolate and coffee and books and Netflix and what have you… 

Anyhoo, what I mean to say is that I guess it’s easy for me to make the assertion that everything’s gonna be all right… But it’s really there in the Bible. And it doesn’t refer to just steady employment, no more COVID or a president we can get on board with. Because these things… and the things in your lockdown house - the pizza and beer and such… they're not going to get very far in filling that God-shaped hole in your soul that Blaise Pascal talked about so eloquently? But that’s what the Bible’s is all about… Filling that gaping hole. Dig these words from Revelation 21:

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

 

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Click to download this sweet coloring page!

 

He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life.

Thing is, y’all, I believe that this refers to real, physical events that are actually going to occur. AND ALSO this real, happening thing will ACTUALLY fill the gaping hole! I don’t know the particulars beyond what's written above*, but I do believe it’s a real thing that’s 100% going to happen!** 

And not that I hate life or anything… in fact my life is pretty sweet… I live in an awesome lock-down house! That said, regarding the end of the world as we know it, Lenny Bruce is not afraid, and neither am I! 

*Jesus said: “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” (Mark 13:32)

**I guess that might sound like a crazy assertion, but when you're one of those crazy Christians, it comes with the territory!

Is it too late to write about Pulp Fiction, y'all?

So… summer, movies… The sweaty gloopiness of your typical North Carolina in summertime is easily defeated by a two-hour refrigeration period in the chilly darkness of a movie theater… Especially when it's a gorgeous historic venue like downtown Durham's Carolina Theater. 

Built in 1926, it's been beautifully renovated, but retains the grandeur of … you know… a movie palace from another time! They show current films—leaning more toward foreign and artsy films—but we come for the special stuff... older films, campy films, action films, horror, noir…  My friend Todd is also there sometimes, so that’s a nice bonus… And it’s fun to introduce our budding filmmaker Bill, to learn about the classic genres. Most recently we took in the super-hip, insanely funny, 1994 crime movie Pulp Fiction. 

Is this movie appropriate for a 15-year-old? Probably not. And I do feel guilty about taking mine… on the other hand, amidst all the drug use, violence, and foul language… well, it really is a morality tale, isn’t it? Maybe all this stuff has been said before regarding this crazy masterpiece, but I’m going to give you my thoughts anyway.

If, after all these years, you haven’t seen it, well... I’m actually not able to give you a plot synopsis. Sorry. It boasts a fractured timeline, and I really don’t think I could give it justice. It’s about two well-dressed criminals just doing their day-to-day crime stuff, and also about a boxer who is supposed to take a fall, but doesn’t, and also about the criminals’ boss. And the bosses’ wife. And the boxer’s wife… and a dealer and his wife… And these two other criminals. See? It’s just too complicated! I can’t do it!!

Anyway, throughout the film, the characters are confronted with choices… one man must decide to behave honorably toward his boss’s wife. Another man makes a choice to rescue a man who has been trying to kill him… a choice that works out for him, but, honestly, could have gone either way… I guess it is the nature of morality tales to highlight good and evil, which as humans we must choose between every day–just in smaller, less gory ways.

At the center of the film are two criminals—Jules and Vincent—and their choices. Both have chosen the criminal lifestyle, and carry out their daily duties as a matter of course. But one day something happens—a guy empties a large pistol point blank at them, but misses them entirely. “God came down from heaven, and stopped these ************ bullets,” Jules (Samuel L. Jackson) says. Vincent (John Travolta) considers it a fluke, and goes about his business, but to Jules, it’s a turning point. 

Jules: We should be f***in' dead, my friend! What happened here was a miracle, and I want you to f***ing acknowledge it! 

Vincent Vega: All right, it was a miracle. Can we go now?

Yeah, Vincent doesn’t care… the moment of divine intervention rolls right by him. That night, when he chooses NOT to act inappropriately with the boss’s wife, it is not out of respect for the divine. It is merely self preservation—as we know, from an earlier discussion of a rumor that the boss had thrown a man out of a window for messing with his wife.* 

On the other hand, Jules considers their near miss an act of God—proof that God is paying attention and cares about his choices…? Jules takes it as a sign that he should change his course. Maybe Jules was set up for this… Maybe a guy who likes to quote Ezekiel 25:17** before “popping a cap” in someone’s ass is already thinking about God. Here’s a pretty hefty quote from Jules that explains the whole thing: 

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you." 

I been sayin' that sh*t for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a mother****er before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some sh*t this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. .45 here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that sh*t ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin, Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.”

See, Jules is aware of God, has His word in His head, so … when he experiences what he perceives to be a miracle, he knows exactly where to look… and suddenly the sheer … relevance of God’s words causes him to consider what they mean for HIM personally - where HE fits in God’s design. Until now, he has taken on the role of God as the dispenser of justice, but now, he’s not too sure…

So that later, when a couple of petty thieves try to rob him, he comes out with this: “Normally, both your asses would be dead as f***ing fried chicken, but you happen to pull this sh*t while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you.”

In a morality tale, there is normally a clear demarcation of good and bad—although it’s a little skewed here. Jules and Vincent’s behavior is violent and capricious, and their conversation is vulgar, but they are goofy, and they say hilarious things and they are so handsome in their suits... so we somehow feel sympathy for them. It’s a good reminder that good and evil are not always so easily recognized.

In this story, both men are criminals, but good and evil are defined by the choice each man makes when he confronted with the Divine. And, like in wisdom literature, where the good are rewarded and the bad are punished, each man receives his due. Well, we don’t really know what happened to Jules in the end, but we do get to see Vincent gunned down in spectacular fashion… and Jules isn’t with him.

It all reminds me of the story of two thieves on the crosses beside Jesus:

Now one of the criminals hanging there reviled Jesus, saying, "Are you not the Messiah? Save yourself and us." The other, however, rebuking him, said in reply, "Have you no fear of God, for you are subject to the same condemnation? And indeed, we have been condemned justly, for the sentence we received corresponds to our crimes, but this man has done nothing criminal." Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." He replied to him, "Amen I say to you today you will be with me in Paradise." (Luke 23:39-43)

I may not be a thief, and I may not have ever shot a guy just for looking at me wrong... but I have done plenty of crappy things... so this is a great message for me. It’s really good to know that, God wants us to be with Him in paradise… and has made a way for us to get there!



*There is a point in the film, where, after Vincent does something particularly careless and vile, he says: "Jules, did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits that he's wrong that he is immediately forgiven for all wrongdoings? Have you ever heard that?" So, he can't acknowledge God... but wants to be forgiven? I guess that's normal... we want grace, but we don't want God to be in our business too much...

**The verse he quotes isn't actually Ezekiel 25:17... it's more of a mishmash of a couple of verses in the Bible... just FYI...

Knock-knock-knockin'...

HEY!! WHAT’S HAPPENING, BLOGOSPHERE?!!

I’m still here, y’all… I know you thought I’d forsaken you, if you thought of me at all… but of course I haven’t! Although my posts are so far apart nowadays that each one has to sort give you an update on what’s going on with us, right? Well, not much is going on right now - it’s summer, and we live in North Carolina, so we’re hot. (Gee, I’m not sure—is the globe getting warmer? OF COURSE IT IS!! DUH!! Not to get political or anything…)

Anyway, we’ve been seeing a lot of movies, which is one of my favorite things to do. I love the new-fangled theaters with recliners and real food and craft beers, but I also still love a crappy old theatre with no crazy perks, just musty seats and stale popcorn smell… because really, the movie’s the thing!

I love sitting in the cool darkness watching a story unfold. I love watching the pretty people on screen, their acting prowess, or lack thereof… I love sizing up the costumes… (Bill says when we watch a bad movie, my comment is always, “I liked the costumes.”) And most of all, I love when something in the film reminds me of God. That’s really what makes a movie a work of art for me. 

My theory of art involves the expression of self, but also the conveyance of truth, beauty and … otherness? And Who is more true and beautiful and other than God Himself? And when we create, we do so in imitation of our Creator… God made us in His image, so His creative impulses are in us as well.

Okay, moving right along… In June we saw Rolling Thunder Revue: A Bob Dylan Story by Martin Scorsese. You can easily watch it yourself—it’s on Netflix, but Tom, Bill and I were fortunate to see it in on a big screen at the Rialto in Raleigh. It’s an amazing film… part concert/backstage footage, part “documentary.” That’s in quotes because if you look up the word “liar” in the dictionary, you’d probably see a picture of Bob Dylan! Although… I would say that he’s more of a storyteller than a liar… He’s building a world for us and we’re into it – “Hey Mister Tamborine Man, play a song for me…”  

Watching the film, if viewers are not completely hoodwinked, they are left trying to separate the wheat from the chaff—that is, to figure out what they can believe. The filmakers interview (among others) a cinematographer, a congressman, a concert promoter – all of whom are actors telling stories. Heck, one of these folks is an ACTUAL actor – Sharon Stone. They interview Dylan himself, who says enigmatic things like “One thing I can tell you about Ramblin’ Jack: he’s a a better sailor than a singer—he can tie a bowline, a clove hitch, he could tie a rolling hitch—all blindfolded. If you’re ever on a boat or a sailing ship, you would rather have Ramblin’ Jack there as a sailor than a singer.”

That said, another quote directly from Dylan pretty much gives it away: When asked why they wore masks and white-face on the tour, he said, “When somebody’s wearing a mask, uh, he’s gonna tell you the truth. Uh, when he’s not wearing a mask, it’s highly unlikely.” So… the music is what’s true. And… it really is. Watching those stunning performances by incredibly talented musicians dressed in boho 70s duds and masks and whiteface, all I could think was, “Bob Dylan is a BAD ASS!!” It’s filmed pretty close up, and his performance is ferocious… and, to use a quote from one of his own songs, “Every one of them words rang true and glowed like burnin’ coals...” It was all just so gorgeous… I couldn’t look away.

I think that one reason he undertook the carnivalesque tour—playing small venues with a bunch of other people—in an attempt to step away from his massive celebrity… to be "one of the band." Even so, the film shows how other people treat him like a king… like a god. Dylan is not a god, and he knows it! Nevertheless, early on, underlings are told to refrain from constantly asking him what he wants or if he’s okay. “He’s a big man, he knows what he wants.” And later, Joan Baez, tells how she approached craft services dressed as Dylan and experiences the sort of fawning and worship reserved for the man himself. (Of course this may or may not have been a true account!)

Toward the end of the movie, they tell the story of the Ruben Hurricane Carter, the subject of Bob’s song “Hurricane.” Carter was a black boxer wrongly jailed for killing three people. Bob’s song eventually helped to free him, and the two became friends. Bob says that when Hurricane would ask him what he was searching for, he’d say, “Well, Hurricane, I’m searching for the Holy Grail… I’m gonna search until I find it, like Sir Galahad.” And while he was surely like a knight in shining armor to the man who was freed from prison, Bob knows that there is something much bigger to find.

Soon after, the movie draws to a close with Bob and Roger McGuinn put their heads together to sing “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door” together. It’s… blisteringly intense… they look at each other in a wide-eyed, forceful way that makes you wonder if 1. they’re on drugs or, 2. they're daring each other to knock first… I can’t really say if they’re on drugs… but… I do know that somewhere down the road, each man found Christ… And that’s both truth and beauty to me. 

She said the answer was...

The Velvet Underground

Despite my disgruntled-ness (see previous post), I am striving to maintain my habit of communing with God of a morning, via prayer and a little Bible reading (I'm disgruntled with some of God's people, not God Himself, right)? And lucky me, I’m in the middle of the book of Romans, which… well, it’s a beautiful book – in fact, people say it goes a long way toward explaining what Jesus’s life and crucifixion meant for us… IF you can parse it out, that is… I’ve been reading it for, like, 30 years and I still have so, so many questions… Anyway, here’s what I read the other day:

So, my brothers and sisters, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit for God. For when we were in the realm of the flesh, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in us, so that we bore fruit for death. But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code.

And I took a sip of coffee. And another sip of coffee. And I thought, “Huh?” I mean, it’s lovely and all, but what does it mean? Any attempt I make to paraphrase it line-for-line is just a mess… Which is a shame, because I feel like understanding it is the key to something I’ve been wrestling with for a while. 

And that is… How are we saved? By our faith? By our works? or both? I mean, of COURSE faith, not works… that’s what they teach you in Protestant churches… but if the church people believe this, then why is there so much emphasis in church on our (and everyone else's) activities?

I mean, like it says in the passage above, because of Jesus’s death, we are FREE from the law. But then it also says we should be free from SIN as well? Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m definitely not sinless. I guess that’s why I struggle with this – because if salvation has anything to do with how I ACT, then I’m doomed… 

King David—dancing with his head up high.

And then there’s that part about being “released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code?” What IS this “new way of the Spirit?” HOW CAN I GET IT?!

Well, that day, as I was pondering this between coffee sips... the answer came to me like a message from God… through a song by the Velvet Underground. Seriously. The specific bit that kept invading my head space was this line from their raucous tune Head Held High*:

“…the answer was to become a dancer / Hold your head up high”

I’m not really sure I can explain why this is the answer to the confusion aroused by my reading of Romans 7. It just IS, and joyfully, hilariously so… That is... don’t sit around mulling over your sins—you’re free! So ACT free!

Be yourself! Be a Christian! Be a lover of people! Be a healer of the world! Be a pray-er! Be like David, who celebrated the return of the ark to Jerusalem by a public dancing display that was so vigorous that his wife was embarrassed! Be like Jesus who ate and drank with tax collectors and prostitutes so that they would know God loved them! Be like Paul who wasn’t ashamed of the gospel or afraid of public opinion or death or snakes… Be like Sophie**, a beautiful young cancer patient who wrote a poem that says this:

Be loud
And move with grace
Explode with light
Have no fear…

In other words: You don't have to live like a refugee!

I guess the best practical analogy I've ever heard is this: Imagine that the Christian life is like being married to your soul mate. After the ceremony, would you just go back to your old single-life apartment, keep eating Lean Cuisines, dating, and doing whatever you wanted to? 

Of course not! You'd start acting married! You'd move in together, eat together, merge finances, do life together! It might be hard to get used to at first, but over the years, you'd get the hang of it!

And I'm not talking about one of those creepy abusive marriages where one spouse is abusive and the other one is always walking on eggshells—afraid of what's going to set the jerk off... No siree, this marriage... – well, it's to a Person who is ALWAYS faithful, will ALWAYS love you, and will NEVER leave you—no matter what! Heck, He's bought you with His own blood! 

He thinks you're the bee's knees, the cat's meow, the cream in His coffee, the bubbles in His champagne. He doesn't want you to be creeping around worrying about the rules... He wants to take you dancing! Dare I say it? With your head up high!

*I can't make you, but I strongly urge you to listen to the whole song (here) — it’s awesome. It’s so wild and forceful… Just HAPPY! And FREE! You'll be dancing before you know it!

**I’ll tell you more about Sophie later because it’s a story worth telling. You can read the whole poem here.

Wine in Plastic Cups

In June, or maybe earlier, magazines and newspapers always publish an article pushing books for “summer reading.” As if I might have more time in summer to read than other times... I guess the book recommendations are for beach trips and maybe plane or car rides…? Whatever the case, I can’t say I have substantially more time to read… sadly...

Nonetheless, I did manage to eye-gobble a fascinating read in June: A Spy in the House of Loud: New York Songs and Stories by Chris Stamey. Chris Stamey is this cool guy who lives here in Chapel Hill, but has been all over the world performing and recording music. He first came to my attention in the 80s when he was in a group called the dB’s. (Alexa calls them “the deci-bell-ess” before launching into one of their gorgeous, shimmery power-pop numbers like Neverland or Ask for Jill. It's in your best interest to click on these links, y'all.)

When I was a young gal trying to be cool in NC I heard tell of the famous boys from Winston-Salem, Peter Holsapple, Chris Stamey, Will Rigby and Gene Holder. I had no idea they were actually living in New York at the time… Every time i drove through Winston-Salem, I would get goose-bumps thinking, “This is where it all happens!”

So this book that I read is by one of the members of the dB’s — but that’s not all he’s done! He stayed in the group for a couple of years before he set out on his own as a solo artist and music producer. The book chronicles all this, while giving fascinating detail about the structure of the songs and the technical aspects of recording. I have to admit that these parts went mostly over my head, but I still reveled in having a peek inside the music that I loved when I was young. Heck, I still love it—that’s why I know what Alexa will say when you ask her to “Play music by the dB’s”!

I would also like to say that Chris (I feel like I can call him Chris because of the length of our “acquaintance”) is the man behind one of my favorite Christmas albums, Christmas Time. He’s really the man behind of a LOT of records: check out this partial list.

Anyway... in one part of A Spy in the House of Loud, Chris begins a chapter thus:

How does one write a song? I remember seventies ads for Prell shampoo that showed a pearl floating through the amorphous goop. And I used to think songwriting was like that: You had to have something loose inside you, something rattling around, and you shook it up and then followed it around and took dictation.¹

And I was thinking, maybe writing blog posts is similar? And in case you haven’t noticed, the pearls in my amorphous goop haven’t exactly been rattling around… or maybe I’ve failed to shake them up… or follow them around… or take dictation… or all of the above!! In my case, it’s more like… what once might have been a pearl rattling around in there has festered, becoming something gross… like… a rotten egg… or a piece of actual crap… And when I try to take dictation from it, well… crap begets crap.

My salvation (literally) is that I also have an actual pearl in my amorphous goop… And it’s the Gospel—ie., "the pearl of great price":

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.²

It’s in there, and It’s always worth the effort it takes to shake, follow and dictate from… It seems harder now—for a people-pleaser like myself, anyway—to present the gospel these days, what with the weird Christian support for you-know-who.* But if I believe the gospel is true, that it actually saves people, and that it is worth selling everything I own for... which I do, then don’t I kinda have to share it? 

So here I am, holding the gospel out for you to consider, as taken from the classic verse in John’s gospel: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

I have alluded to this verse a buncha times, but always after I’ve given some intro—a song, an anecdote, a movie reference… I tell the basic story (or ponder aspects of it)—that Jesus loves you and died for you, but I put a spin on it to try to express it in a more relatable way.

That is, I do the job of a “producer.” Like Chris Stamey, who takes a song and helps the artist determine how it should sound. In Chris’s book, there are many passages about producing songs like this:

I had some ideas first, specifically for the machiney groove, the “96 Tears” tap-tap-tap of the Ace Tone, the verse’s chords, and a few key lyrics. Peter and I quickly fleshed out thee ideas right before the two of us demoed it… In addition to helping with several of the lyrics, he was the one, I think, who came up with the three-bar organ hook, with a high G drone that rubs first against an F-sharp and then against the F-natural. The sound wasn’t complete without running the organ through an Orange Squeezer compressor, an obscure, dinky, lo-fi metal cube – heard previously on the guitars of both “Reeling in the Years” by Steely Dan, and “Sultans of Swing,” by Dire Straits—which exaggerated the natural “vacuum cleaner” wheezing tones of the organ.¹

So I’m taking the gospel and without altering it's basic information, giving it some shimmer and running through an Orange Squeezer so that it maybe sounds good to you—or at least less stodgy… Especially these days when you might not be in the mood to trust Christians. 

Chris has another place where he says that, at least at one time, he thought about records as aural cinema, and said he considered a song a script for making a record… that is, only part of the equation… “You might even argue,” he says, “that the new aural moviemaking worked best if the song itself had come out of the oven only half-baked, if it left a lot of room for production.”¹

Well, my friends, the gospel of God is anything BUT half-baked! It’s the beginning and the end of love and truth and glory... It seriously doesn't need me to add anything to it! But I think that’s part of the beauty of this thing He’s set up… He could just show Himself to everyone, but instead, He wants people to see His love and choose Him. And He lets silly people like me share His gospel... put our spin on it and spread it around… It’s like the line from the dB’s song “wine in plastic cups” … Yeah, I may be a cheap plastic cup... but, my friends, it’s WINE I'm serving!! 

*Okay so that's what the rotten egg/piece of crap is... I already hashed it out in some posts already: here and here and also tried to make sense of it here. I'm still working through it, but… the more it rattles around in there, the more bitter I get about it, and it sorta gums up the works... like in that episode of Broad City where Illana is unable to have a satisfactory sexual experience because she's so upset about, again, "you-know-who." But I refuse to let him have that much power—that he would stand in the way of the gospel? I think not!

¹Stamey, Chris. A Spy in the House of Loud: New York Songs and Stories. University of Texas Press, 2018.


²Matthew 13:45-46

Yeah, I Went There...

In my childhood, my family regularly attended a Methodist Church, where as a teen I also participated enthusiastically in the youth group and sang in the choir. College, however, took me on a detour through some quite … interesting … phases… Until in my mid-twenties, when I jack-knifed back into a full-on obsession with Christianity.

The church I grew up in

If you need a “birthday” or “born again day” I would consider this to be it, rather than the mild interest of my youth... although I'm not altogether sure how that works. So we’re talking the eighties… When it all got political… you know, the Moral Majority and all that stuff. I attended a church that was long on love, loose in style, but pretty tightly orthodox, theology-wise. People took the Bible literally, studied it fiercely, nodded their heads to James Dobson, and worried about the world.

There was very little grey area, so the how-tos of Christianity were pretty easy to follow… including the fact that we were all Republicans. And yes, by we, I mean me too. I hung out with a bunch of people who believed in trickle-down economics… that healthy sex happens between two heterosexual married people… that babies should be carried to term under nearly every circumstance… one of these people was actually one of those scary avid proponents of 2nd Amendment rights.

These days it’s easy to look at Christians and see only the kind of rabid conservative, hateful, person who is freaked out by the possibility of running into a transgender person in the bathroom. So it may be difficult to believe these friends of mine in the 80s/90s also believed in helping the poor and needy… in a very in-the-trenches way. They volunteered at homeless shelters, built homes for Habitat for Humanity, fed and cared for AIDS patients… and took care of each other tirelessly. 

While the Republicans one hears about on the news seem to hate everyone, these people were some of the most selfless people I’ve ever met. They believed that God loves every single person in the world and wants to save them. They just thought that trickle-down economics would provide jobs for the poor… and that the ultimate way to love people is to bring them to the One who loves them the most and the only One who can save them – that is, God… And part of coming to God involves repentance.

Honestly, I still have friends like this. At Christmas time, when the field of candidates was much larger, I was at a dinner and one woman piped up, “Who are y’all going to vote for?” The group then went on to discuss the Republican candidates as if they were the only ones on the table. And, coward that I am, I just clammed up. My friend Grace said later, “I wanted to say so bad, ‘Julie likes Bernie Sanders!’ ” Because I really do, y’all. I love how he cares for the poor and wants to change things. I’m not sure he’s the practical answer, but I do like him.

And I also love my friends and know where they’re coming from. I think for many the primary issue is abortion. I remember having a discussion with a guy and saying to him, “You act like abortion is the only issue.” And he said, “It is.” And, truthfully I love babies so dang much it is like a knife to my own heart to think of someone killing them, even if they do look like a blob of cells at the time. But there are other aspects to this debate. I am pretty conflicted about it, myself.

Mostly, though, my political feelings have jack-knifed since my early days as a Christian, although my theology has not. I still believe in the statements of the Apostles' creed, and the sweet simplicity of John 3:16… It’s how these beliefs relate to who I’m going to support in any given election that has shifted. Although I don’t believe that any political party embodies the Christian faith and its moral ideals. And no politician or party can save anyone.

If you’ve read my stuff before, you won’t be surprised to learn that this is all just a really long meandering introduction to something else that I wanted to say… And that is, I was at church on Sunday, and I found myself almost a little bit dreading what conservative thing might be said from the pulpit. I usually dread it for my husband’s sake, who is really liberal, but on this day, HE WASN’T EVEN THERE!!! 

When I realized what was happening in my head, I felt REALLY convicted about how cynical I’ve become… about my own people. And I had to repent. I had to try to let go of the anger and suspicion that I had built up in my heart. It would be impossible for a whole church full of people to agree on every single issue, but we DO agree on the love of God and people's need to know about it. 

Prince, y'all!
Attribution: Micahmedia at en.wikipedia

And the truth is I have NEVER seen or heard anyone in my church say or do anything hateful, and I HAVE seen them do all kinds of loving and helpful things. You should see how they rally ‘round when somebody is suffering. When I was nearly killing myself with anorexia back in the day, they didn’t see a selfish, skeletal, drug-taking, promiscuous goth chick. They saw someone who needed God’s love. And their love. 

Of course, I’m not saying every single Christian is made of only love, (*cough* Westboro Baptist Church) or negating any pain anyone may have felt from clumsy Christians... but I am saying… well… I know even the mildest of us look kinda judgey with our insistence on Jesus, but… it’s just 'cos we love you. So don’t judge us too harshly… 

Most of us are just trying to figure out what's right and how to do it. I mean, even Prince believed in the exclusive claims of Jesus, right? Of course when you’re Prince, well... you're PRINCE! And we can’t all be Prince, now can we? 

We CAN dig this rockin' song by him, though!