True confession: I always wanted to be a rock star... someone along the lines of, say, Chrissie Hynde. I know, hilarious, right? You will not find a more unlikely person to be a rock star. Rock stars are so cool – they look cool, they wear great clothes... and people scream for them! I don't look or behave anything like a rock star – chubby, bespectacled, short, nerdy... wait, that's Elton John, right? Unlike Elton, though, I have no talent whatsoever.
I actually took piano lessons for several years. I spent hours in the basement of our family house pounding out Beatles and EJ songs on our out-of-tune piano. I was never that good, though. Adequate, but not ... gifted or anything. My singing, also, is ... um... well, it sounds okay to me, but ... what's the opposite of "affirmation"? Whatever it is, that's what I have received from other people regarding my singing - all my life. I do LOVE to sing, and am pretty good at picking out harmonies, but ... no one really wants to hear it. Even my child would rather not hear me sing. Ever since he was small he would yell out, "No singing!" whenever I attempted a few bars.
Obviously, serious musicianship is not required for being a rock star, but I also lacked the necessary confidence and determination – not to mention charisma. Back in the eighties in Chapel Hill, lots of my friends actually worked really hard, formed bands, wrote songs, performed live and made records. My own little brother had a band.
And I, being kind of shy, just hovered in the corners looking on. The closest I ever got to being an actual part of that music scene was dating a guy in a band. And I'm not going to lie to you – it was reeeeally cool. I mean, seeing the band live, traveling with them, meeting other bands, being referred to as his girlfriend, wearing the stylin' rock-star girlfriend clothes... that part was awesome. The other parts – dating a person of questionable maturity, an artistic temperament and a fondness for certain substances ... not so awesome. But instructive, nonetheless.
My true role in rock and roll, I have accepted, lies in being a fan. Admiration from afar. Like Penny Lane and William Miller in the fantastic movie "Almost Famous," I'm just there to say, "It's all happening!" And instead of being or marrying a rock star (not that one would have me, of course), I married someone just like me – a fan. And we have a fantastic time following the music... and, as Penny Lane says, if we ever get lonely, we can go to the record store and visit our friends!
I am not sure where I am going with this. I just wanted to confess that I, a frumpy, middle-aged lady, have always wanted to be a rock star... so you could have a good laugh, maybe snort whatever you're drinking through your nose.